Winning no matter what

     Way back in the 80's some idiot executive came up with the idea that if he surrounded himself with the dumbest people he could find, he would look smart.  I even saw this theory in practice while I was in the military.  What really happened is that they looked like they had surrounded themselves with really stupid people.  Somehow, these people figured this would help them get ahead.

"My staff can't get along without me."

     I guess that's an acceptable substitute for hard work in our society.  Then, they decided that the next best thing was to finger point.  That seems to still be going on now.  If you screw up, you just blame someone else for something else.  Point at them and accuse them and push the blame away from yourself.

"Were you the one who caused the fire back in the break room?"

"Maybe, but you need to take a look at Melvin, he's not putting the recyclables in the right can!  How about that?"


     And things seem to be getting worse.  People will do anything now to get money, or to get ahead.  I'm seeing things in the news about people claiming their spouse, or kids have some kind of incurable disease and then take donations.  Then it turns out the spouse, or kids were fine, and were never sick in the first place.  Why the hell would you do this?  Are these people really that desperate for money?

"Larry and Melissa Beach reportedly scammed their way into a new home on ABC's Extreme Home Makeover. They said their house was flooded during Hurricane Ike, but according to records, no house in their subdivision was flooded and their elevation certificate shows that their elevation was too high to be flooded."


     Hooray for Larry and Melissa!  They got a free house by lying!  I'll bet Melissa cried, and sobbed in front of the producers.  And how about the producer who didn't bother to look into anything.  He just met with Larry and Melissa and decided they needed a new house.  Did he know it was a scam and is now going to point a finger?


"What, it was a scam?  Those horrible people, they scammed me!  It's not my fault I didn't check into things, it's their fault for lying!"


     There is a logic puzzle game called Sudoku.  I never much liked logic puzzles like those, but they're a good time killer I guess, and keep your mind strong.  But now, you don't even have to do the puzzle yourself!  There are applications for cell phones that allow you to take a picture of the puzzle, and it will then show you the answers!  What the hell?  Why would you even need this?  To check your answers?  Or is that an excuse?


     I think I'm just getting tired of how corrupt the society I live in has become.  You just don't find any morals anywhere anymore, it seems.


     Oh, and by the way, Arnold Schwartzenegger just announced he has an illegitimate kid with some of his governor staff.


"GET TO THE CHOPPER...FOR SOME SEX!"

Mother's Day Frustrations

     I have a mom that I love dearly.  She's always been there for me when I needed her, and had a fit when I joined the U.S. Air Force.  She kept screaming that they were "stealing her baby."  Oy.  But insane times with mom aside, Mother's Day is coming up this Sunday right after the Kentucky Derby on Saturday.  What a weekend, wahoo!  (I actually hate horse racing.)

     Yes, this is my pirate mom.  She's probably less like a real pirate than anyone else I've ever met my entire life!  *chuckle*  And she'll probably hate this picture, but there it is anyway.  And yes, she sometimes reads my blog.

     Anyway, since I'm actually aware of when Mother's Day is this year, I was thinking of getting mom her own personal Ipod touch.  She's not a techie, and so it'll probably frustrate her, but I still think it would be a nice present.  She has a granddaughter who lives far away, and the granddaughter has a brand new Ipod touch, so if I buy mom one, they can maybe use the facetime application and chat face to face!  Very nice idea!  But here's the problem:  When it comes to tech, this is usually the conversation I end up having with my mom:

Me:  Mom, I just bought you this Ipod touch for Mother's Day!  Let me show you how to get things started with it.


Mom:  Oh honey, THANK YOU!  Let me try and figure it out myself.  It isn't working, I think it's broken.


Me:  No mom, you have to set it up with your computer.  Let me hook it to your laptop and get you started.  If you'll just...


Mom:  Let me figure it out!  It's not doing anything!  Maybe you got me a bad one?  Why isn't mine big like yours is?


Me:  Mom...mine's an IPAD, not an Ipod.  


Mom:  What's the difference?

     Things go on from there.  Eventually I'll get her going on it, but it's frustrating.  Why don't I get her an Ipad?  She'll struggle enough with the Ipod.  She'll get used to it, but it might be a few years.  I'm sure I'll be getting calls on my cell phone after I get it for her, too.

Mom:  Bobby, are you there?


Me:  Yes mom, I'm here.  What do you need?


Mom:  Are you there?  I can't hear very well on this thing!  And it doesn't always ring.


Me:  Mom, it rings fine.  When you bury your cell phone in your purse and put your purse upstairs, obviously you won't be able to hear it ring.  Did you need something?


Mom:  The Ipod stopped working, I think it's broken.


Me:  Is it charged up?


Mom:  What do you mean?


Me:  Have you charged it lately?  Maybe the battery is dead?


Mom:  Where do the batteries go?  And what kind does it take?  I don't even see how you would put batteries in this thing, it's so small!


Me:  Mom, it has an internal battery just like your cell phone.  You need to plug it in and charge it up.


Mom:  I see.  I tried to call Tiffany with it using the face thing, but it didn't work.


Me:  Maybe she wasn't available and couldn't answer?


Mom:  Why wouldn't she be available?


     Sometimes I think I'm stuck back in the 80's.  Mom's stuck back in the 60's!  She wants a tv that just has an on and off switch, and a phone that hangs on the wall and rings with a bell.  She's still stuck in the more simple America.  She did eventually buy a laptop computer and uses it to pay her bills with, but she doesn't understand youtube, and tells me she can't even find it on her computer.  She's always amazed when I show her videos when I come over.  She always says she wants to learn, but just can't quite get adjusted to today's tech.  I sometimes have to kind of ease her into new things.

     But still, Mother's Day is coming and I really should do something nice for mom.  Even though I don't say it, I do love her.  So maybe a trip to the local Apple Store is in order?  It'll be fun just to see Mom's face while she looks at all the Apple stuff that she's afraid to touch!  *chuckle*

Happy early Mother's Day, mom.

Vegas Manners

     I've lived in Las Vegas now for a lot of years.  And I'm not sure if it's the place, the culture, or what, but people here just don't have any manners.  It's like living in a zoo full of monkeys!  And I don't just mean the tourists who come here and crap on the floor (Yes, there are some who will actually drop their pants and crap right out in the open), pee on the floor, puke everywhere, push and shove, climb in fountains, destroy hotel rooms...uh...ok, I think you get the idea.

     Now don't get me wrong, there are civilized people who come here and gamble, see shows, and behave like they actually live in a normal society.  There are also people that live here and know how to behave.  I just don't seem to run across too many of them.

     Let's look at my work environment.  I work as a Security Officer in a Las Vegas casino on the Strip.  What prestige, huh?  I spend a lot of time in the dispatch office which is where you answer phone calls, and dispatch other officers to where they need to go.  On a typical shift I might have to deal with anywhere from 200 to 300 phone calls during the summer.  Here's a typical one:

Me:  Security, this is Robert.

Moron:  Can you send some women up to my room? *snicker*

Me:  How about I transfer you to the police department and you talk to them about that?  This is room 6433, isn't it?

Moron:  ... ... no, it's...another room.

Me:  Ok then, transferring you to the police dispatcher.  (I push transfer, and the button on my phone that says *Metro* and then hang up the phone)

     Yes, he was very funny, wasn't he?  Did this moron actually come to Las Vegas, rent a room, and crank call security?  This is really supposed to be funny, huh?  People call the operator and ask what color underwear she's wearing.  Would you call and ask your mom that?  (I'm sure some of these people would.)  You're calling and asking somebody's mom that!

     Beyond the stupid tourists, let's look at some of the locals.  How about some of the other people that I work with in security?  Here's a typical scenario:

     I send a guy up to a room because someone has checked out and left behind his cell phone.  No problem, the room is unoccupied, and all the security officer has to do is enter the hotel room, pick up the phone, and bring it down to the Security Booth in the casino.  Here's how it's went down before:

Me:  Ok, Tango 2, head to room 6433 and check for a cell phone left behind by the guest.  The room is unoccupied.


Tango 2:  Room 4633, copy.


Me:  No, I said room 6433.  That's 6...4...3...3.


Tango 2:  Yeah, yeah, I got it!


40 minutes later:

Me:  Control to Tango 2, have you found that phone yet?


Tango 2:  What phone?


Me:  The cell phone I sent you to room 6433 for.  Are you in the room looking for it?


Tango 2:  Oh yeah...I'm almost there.


     Almost there.  So this guy was running around for 40 minutes instead of going to the hotel room to get the cell phone.  What a pain in the ass!

Tango 2:  Control, I entered the room, but there were people in here!  They're pretty unhappy now!


Me:  People?  Find out who they are, room 6433 is supposed to be vacant.


Tango 2:  6433?  You said room 4211!  Now they want a manager!  This is all your fault because you don't know how to talk to people!


     How do you even respond to that?  The guy goofs off and then wants to blame me because he went in the wrong room.  What a great employee!  Sometimes security is just a horror show.  But after I get off things are much better, right?  Oy...maybe not.

     I get off and want to buy some milk.  I head over to Walmart.  Yes Walmart, the cheap place full of societies' wonderful people.  As I get to the milk section, there is lady with her basket blocking the milk I want to get.  She's staring into the cooler.  She stares...and stares...and stares.  Geez, she won't move.  Yes, maybe I could say "Excuse me" and get her to move, but I figure she's just going to get some milk soon and leave.  I wait and wait.  She never moves!  I'll just go and get something else and then come back.

     I head to the chip aisle and find some chips.  While getting the chips, at first I think someone is talking to me.  I hear "You can't do that!  No, absolutely not, no!"  Was someone forbidding me to buy chips?  No, it's some moron yelling into his cell phone!  He moves over to stand right next to me while still screaming at the top of his lungs!  "NO!  You'd damned well better not!"  I wonder if I should slap the shit out of him?  (Oh phooey, now I'm turning into one of them...keep your cool, Robert.)

     I grab a bag of chips and go back to the milk aisle.  The woman is still standing in front of the milk cooler staring at the milk!  The screaming man follows me towards the milk and keeps yelling.  "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"  The woman in front of the milk hears this and jumps!  She grabs her basket and moves quickly away!  At least the cell phone moron has cleared the way for me to get milk.

     How did I get writing about Walmart and all this?  Oh yeah, rude people in Vegas.  I think I've rambled on about this for long enough.  People here just don't seem as polite as people in other places I've taken trips to, or lived.  Maybe I should move?

Land of the Lost

     People always seem stupid to me.  Stupid and careless.  They don't pay attention to what they're doing, and if they want something, they don't even consider the consequences of trying to get it.  Take for instance a kid here who gave out some information to a guy he didn't know so he could get something he wanted.  Reading this news story, I'm not even sure what it was he wanted?  Anyway, he gives away the wrong info and then some guy starts using dad's credit card to run up some debt.  Actually...read the story your self:

http://www.ktnv.com/story/14457404/xbox

     And why stop here?  I'm learning how to put some video up on my blogs, so let's check out a bit of Vegas news.  This stuff is real, people!  What do you do when you're a drunk idiot and you see a reporter here in Las Vegas?  You do...THIS:

     I found a video of a drunk defense attorney here in Las Vegas, but it's actually 4 videos and goes on for about half an hour!  Actual court room footage where he argues with the judge and keeps changing his story about wrecking his car and being late to court.  Ok, it wasn't really HIS car, it belonged to a guy in prison, and he said he had defended him and was now allowed to use it.  And the person this drunk was supposed to be defending was facing a possible life sentence.  At least that's what the judge kept saying.  Too long to put up in my blog, but...GEEZ!

     How about a taste of what I have to deal with sometimes?  People come to Las Vegas, start drinking, and then think anything goes.  You can act like an animal and it's fine!  How about if you're Australian? Can you just swim where ever you want to, whenever you want to?  Let's go to the video tape:

     And fountains aren't for ambiance, are they?  They're for drunken morons to climb in and pretend they're 3 years old!  Are these people really adults?  Just...unbelievable.

     Well, I'm finished showing the dumb.  Yes, the videos are funny, no they probably weren't funny to the people in them who had to deal with the situations.  Where do you people leave your sense?  Geez!

Popular outcasts?

     Back when I was in my 20's, way back in...well, never mind when that was, I was a bit of an outcast.  I didn't run with the popular people, and was pretty much a loner.  Now that seems to be a popular thing, especially with blogs.  Take for example "Political Spaghetti."  I like this blog, and have it emailed to me whenever a new one is posted.  This guy uses more profanity in what he writes, than I use every day in person!  (Yes, I swear a lot.)  So, is he an outcast?  Or is he a brilliant man who doesn't follow anyone else and is just bitter to the core?  Either way, I like the blog.

http://politicalspaghetti.wordpress.com/

     So what I don't get now is that everyone seems to want to be an outcast now.  They want to be against the government, or dictators, or wars, or pornography.  They want justice, and honesty, and fair play!  (Actually, no one wants fair play, everyone wants the odds stacked in their favor.  We just claim we want fair play.)  These people make me want to be a conformist sometimes.

"Oh yeah, you're against big government?  I want bigger government!"

     Now I'm still an outcast because I want to anger the other outcasts.  Wonderful.  No wonder I don't volunteer my opinion in person that often.  I was never really an outcast by choice (Yes I was), but now online everyone wants to be the bad guy.  It's too easy to say controversial things online when no one can see you.  Use an alias, and you can even harass people!  Well, to a point.  Most police departments now have a "Cypbercrime" unit.  Send a few women a few really dirty emails, and you'll not only be an outcast, you'll be a jailed outcast!  And before you ask, no I haven't emailed anything nasty to any women!  I do have a few friends who have received some stalker crap, though.  One that I know of even had to report a guy to the police.  Sheesh, what is wrong with people?

     So what was I even writing about?  Oh yeah, being an outcast.  A leader is someone who goes his own way, and then people see where he's going and follow him.  Sometimes, even when he doesn't want to be followed.  *chuckle*  (Yes, I laughed at my own witty remark there.)  Am I a leader?  Sometimes.  Am I an outcast?  Sort of.  Am I finished typing this blog?  Yes.

    

Drying up the Sahara

     I took a trip to the Sahara hotel yesterday.  Why?  Because it's going to close.  It's on the North end of the Las Vegas Strip.  This is a huge hotel with a few thousand rooms, and a good sized casino!  It has a roller coaster out front, and an eating challenge that was featured on the show "Man Vs. Food!"  And now it's going to close.  Why?  Because the millionaire who owns it decided he doesn't want it open anymore.  Does this really bother me?  It's one more of the old Vegas casinos that's going to disappear, so that bothers me a bit.  But I never really went there.  I'm closer to the South end of the Strip.  A lot of people will be out of work come the end of May.  Wow, let's flood the city with more unemployed people, hooray!

     Another bothersome thing is that this is one of the last "Low limit" casinos left.  They have $1  blackjack.  You can't really play it because the tables are all jammed up with idiots, but still, it's there.

     Well, it WAS only at the Sahara.  Pretty soon it won't be anywhere.  Eventually, you'll be able to come to Las Vegas and it won't be very crowded at all.  That'll be because the corporations are starting to make everything so expensive, no one can afford to come here and gamble.  Super rich people, but how many of them are there really?  I know a lot of people out there THINK they're super rich.  I hear it all the time at work, how the drunken idiot in handcuffs makes way more than me.  (I'm sure all the other people at the detention center are really impressed.)  But your average person can't afford to play blackjack when the table limits are $25 a hand!

     Where was I?  Oh yeah, closing the Sahara.  They had this whole "Nascar" thing going, too.  Here's a picture of their ad on a wall for the "Eating challenge."

     Look at that!  How fun, right?  Gone.  The millionaire doesn't care about fun, he cares about closing a place and keeping all the money.  I wonder what "Man Vs. Food" thinks about the Sahara closing?  The show aired a while ago, so they probably don't care.

     Here's another question.  What will they do with the hotel after it closes?  Is it going to just sit empty? There are a number of construction projects here now that just sit empty.  No one works on them, and they just sit there dark.  What the hell is the point of that?  Will a bunch of homeless people live in it now?  If you've seen CSI, they show closed places with all the table games, and stuff still inside a locked place.  That's not realistic.  They'll gut the place and there won't even be a chair left inside after it closes!

     Just another piece of the old Vegas going away.  I did buy me two $1 chips, and one $5 chip for souvenirs, though.  They're actually really nice chips!  What a waste!

Intro to Apes and Wolves

     I loved the movie Planet of the Apes.  It came out when I was a kid, and it was just fantastic!  I can also remember watching the Planet of the Apes tv show each week, but can't really remember any of the episodes.  I remember the movie, though!  And I'm sitting here now wondering what it would be like to interview a couple of the characters from the movie.  No, not the actors, but the actual characters.

"Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!"

     I loved it.  I've gotten involved with another blog recently (No, I'm not going to tell you where it is, because you'll stop reading this one and go over there!) and for my part I get to interview characters from other author's books.  (Ok, I'll tell you where it is eventually.  It won't be up and running til March 24th, though.)  That sounded easy enough at first.  But then I met a few of the characters.  Oy.

     Not that these people (characters) are really all that bad, they're just...not quite what I had thought I would be interviewing.  First, let me say that most of these characters are going to be from erotic books.  Yes, erotic as in they have sex in the book.  No problem, I can handle that.  I just wasn't particularly prepared for who I would meet, who was having sex.  The first "couple" I was assigned to interview were a werewolf and his wife, a necromancer.  The necromancer was also involved with a demon.  So...what am I supposed to ask these people?  And how the hell am I supposed to concentrate when I'm sitting on a couch and looking at this sitting across from me?

"Uh...hi.  How did you meet...oh, you found her in the woods?  Wait, that's not what you said?  Can you speak without growling at me so much?"

     If I see this thing pee on the rug, I'm going to freak out!  This is one of those times where I'm sitting there thinking "Holy cow, how did I get myself into this?"  (I haven't gotten back the answers to the questions I sent the author quite yet.  I'm still waiting to see if she had a really good sense of humor, or if I'm going to be eaten for lunch later.)

     The next interview I end up with has to do with two characters who live in a cabin back in the 1800's.    For crying out loud, I live surrounded by technology now!  What am I supposed to ask them, are the woods pretty?  And then as the interview goes on, we get into hanging women on a hook, and Friday night spankings.  Not that those are bad things.  *chuckle*  This interview turned out much nicer than I thought it would.  And I guess I did pretty well.  Maybe this interviewing thing won't be so bad after all?

     I don't think the guy was really a lumberjack, but he did tell me that he had "Chopped a lot of wood."  I'm not sure if he was serious, or meant...it was an erotic story, I guess.  Ok, chop that wood, bro!

     Whether hard, or easy, I do think doing these interviews will broaden my horizons as a writer.  The first two have really made me have to think.  I suppose that's a good thing?  I guess we'll find out, won't we?

     Ok, now I know one, or two of you are really curious if this is another real blog I'm talking about.  Trust me, it is.  I'll give you the first two words for the blog name today, but that's it!  If you're really curious, email me, or leave a comment, or something. I'll think about telling you where it really is after it's up and rolling.

So I guess I'll see everyone at Sex Marks ... .-....  *chuckle*

Snooki's Booki

     Recently, I came across someone named "Snooki."  I found out this...person...had written a book.  Well, kind of written a book.  I've never liked "Ghost writers" or celebrities who use them.  Someone else writes the book, and then they pretend it's theirs.  What a load of crap!  Anyway, this Snooki girl supposedly wrote a book with some help.  It's called "Snooki: A Shore Thing."  And it's a "Thing" alright!  I haven't read the so called "book" and really have no interest in it.  But I loved the reviews!

     Here's the budding author now!  Looks like she has a couple fans with her!  As an author myself, (Not just of this blog, I've actually written a few books!) I do know about reviews.  Especially reviews on Amazon.com.  They can be good, or bad, or mixed.  Most of the reviews for my books are pretty good.  I might have one or two 1 star ratings.  But the reviews this Snooki person got...wow.  Let's take a look at a couple:  (If you don't believe me, feel free to look these up on Amazon.com yourself!)

"I'm fairly certain Snooki has never written a book, much less read one. I feel nauseated simply calling this a book. By doing so, a great injustice is inflicted upon all books ever written. There is certainly a lack of planning in regards to supply and demand on the part of those behind this steaming pile."

     That seems just a bit negative to me.  "Steaming pile" really seems brutal!  That's probably just one person's opinion, right?  WRONG!  There seem to be a lot of people who think this is really a waste of paper.  Let's check out another review, or two, shall we?

"I bought this book in the hope that it would at least be printed on double or triple ply paper in order to compensate for the massive brain damage caused to its purchasers (what people don't know about this book is that from the moment of purchase, it begins to emit gamma radiation directed at its owner's head. Whether this is a diabolical scheme of Snooki's to devolve the human race so she can run for government office or a simple unfortunate accident of being spawned of such a damaged mind). Alas, I was greatly chagrined to discover that it is indeed single ply and that I am still left with chapped buttocks. Would not buy again."

Ouch...read on:

"Horrible book...!!! I'm still trying to figure out why this girl is popular...God Help us if any teenager tries to be like this porky braindead girl..!!!"

***

"no i have not read this book and i dont intend on it. but the reviews are hysterical, snickas should put them in a book and sell it. i`d buy."

     That person didn't even buy the book!  But they took the time to post a review about the other reviews!

"People who claim to care about the environment should be ashamed that this book was printed. This is pure garbage. A 300 page book of a child's crayon scribblings would be more edifying than this."

     These are all pretty negative reviews!  I mean you could maybe say the plot was a bit thin, the characters weren't thought out, things didn't make sense.  But to call it "pure garbage?"  Wow, that's...that's pretty bad!  Now, if she really did write the book, it's just sad that someone would publish it and not care about what was in it.  If she had a ghost writer do the book and try to make it look like she did it herself...well, that's just really sad!  How do you think these reviews would look on a resume?

"It is so nice to see Amazon.com marketing to the often neglected illiterate demographic. I only question the wisdom in presenting it in book format. Is this an attempt at reaching out to those who suffer from adult illiteracy, or a slap in the face. I do not know."

***

"Literature is by definition, simply that which can be read. Not a whole lot is required to meet that basic definition. Yet this book somehow manages to avoid it. Even though with some effort one can probably mouth the words that the letters on the various pages form, it is still a far cry from being readable." 

     I'm not sure I could write a book that gets reviews this bad if I tried!  What the hell?  And the book has made the New York Times Best Seller list.  That just goes to show that all you need to sell a book now is to be somewhat famous.  You don't even have to be able to write coherently!  I can't resist one final one:

"I had run out of toilet paper and noticed that someone had left a copy of this wonderful book on the floor. Believe me this ain't no Charmin but in a desperate situation it came in quite handy. Thank you Snooki for creating this fun filled emergency bum wipe."

     As I end this blog, I'd like to point out how many really good unpublished authors there are out there.  And yet a publisher decided to put out this crap just to make money.  Yes, I'm sure money is important to them, obviously more important than quality.  But...wow.

Dense and famous

     What does it take to be a celebrity today?  Apparently all you have to do is be really rich, and really stupid.  You can be like Charlie Sheen and act all crazy.

"Yeah, I'm on a drug, it's called the Charlie Sheen!"

     Yeah, it's called something all right, Charlie.  But he's not the only one, he's just the current one.  And do I blame him for this?  No, not really.  Just be a moron, and you get everything.  I work with stupid, cowardly people, but they aren't famous because they aren't rich.  I'm not even sure how some of them pay their bills!  But if you've got a lot of money and are stupid, you get to have a lot of attention.

     Let's move on from Charlie and take a look at a few other "winners."  How about Paris Hilton?  Now there's a rocket scientist, huh?  Let's take a look at a couple of her quotes:

"All British people have plain names, and that works pretty well over there."

     Does this make any sense to anyone?  Plain names?  Who even makes quotes like this?  At least most of the British people weren't named after the city their father probably knocked their mother up in!  Hopefully all the British people are offended by this.

"I love Africa in general, South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries."

     "West Africa?" I guess the Hilton family makes up it's own geography?  She thinks they're both "great countries."  I'm sure the Hilton family is so proud!  And finally, one of my favorites:

"I don't like parties past 2am.  Then it's all losers and weirdos."

     I get the feeling that her parties are full of losers and weirdos no matter what time it is!  The party wouldn't have losers and weirdos if you didn't invite them, would it?  Does she just go to public parties with people she doesn't know?  I get the feeling she doesn't really know anyone, though.  All that matters to this moron is herself.  Ask her, she'll tell you how important she is.  *chuckle*

     Here's a story I found online while trying to look up these stupid quotes.  I'm not sure who wrote it, and it's not about anyone famous, but it shows why we think these crazy, stupid celebrities are so cool!

"I was at the checkout of a Kmart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again ... same senario ! I departed the store with the $46.64."


     Yay, Kmart!  They hire the best people, don't they?  So is it any wonder now why the average person thinks so highly of someone who was arrested with a purse full of cocaine and told the police she thought it was "gum?"


     Moving on, as Groucho Marx said, "A child of 5 would understand this.  Send someone to fetch a child of 5."


"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."


     That one came from Mariah Carey.  Not self centered, or anything, is she?  She cried because she wants to be skinny.  Oy.


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."


     Mayor Marion Barry!  This is the crackhead who was elected mayor.  It was public knowledge that he smoked crack, and he was still elected.  How do you wake up after smoking crack and think to yourself, "Hey, I want to be a mayor!"  Unreal.  And if you don't count the killings, their crime rate is low, huh?  I guess killing isn't a crime if you need crack?


"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa."


     Another geography expert, Britney Spears.  I like a few of the songs she's done, but even they don't make any sense.  I still can't figure out what she means when she sings "Hit me baby, one more time!"  I wonder if someone did hit her, would it knock some sense into her?


     I could obviously go on and on.  As you can see, I'm bored as hell this week, and didn't know what to write.  So I guess I'll end this here.  I'd like to suggest to people that if you don't know what the hell you're talking about, keep your mouth shut.  But that won't happen.  So as George W. Bush said, "Don't misunderestimate me." whatever the hell that means.

Nascar Traffic

     NASCAR is in Las Vegas this week.  I don't care for racing.  Yes, I know a few people who go to the race and party in the parking lot, and drink beer and see the sites, and then watch the cars zoom by.  They pay money for headphones so they can hear what the drivers say while they're racing.  I wonder if it's really worth money to hear some guy scream profanity after another guy rams his car?  They tell me it's not "ramming" though, it's rubbing.  And rubbing is racing!  Hooray!

     Kind of like racing through Las Vegas traffic normally, right?  Were you ever on the road and suddenly hear a siren?  An ambulance is coming up behind you with its lights flashing, and siren wailing away?  You pull over to the side of the road and let them pass, right?  WRONG!  Not in Vegas you don't!  The idiots here don't even want to pull over for the police, you think they'll pull over for an ambulance?  Here's some three day weekend traffic:

     The paramedics can get through this, right?  Ask that question again when someone is having a heart attack.  Is there somewhere I can rent some headphones to listen to the drivers scream profanity when an ambulance tries to get by them?  oh wait, I don't need headphones, the idiots here just yell out their car windows so I can hear them!

"Turn that fucking siren off, I can't hear my music!"

     Music is much more important than a heart attack, right?  Where was I?  Oh, NASCAR, right.  These guys come once a year and fill the town up with NASCAR people.  They're ok, I guess.  No worse than any normal tourists, right?  And they don't really block off any roads, do they?

     Ok, they do tour down the Strip.  But it's only for a little while!  Cars and the trucks that haul them drive down the Strip so everyone can see them.  And they pull over for the paramedics to get buy if they have to, right?  Or not, who cares?  At least they're careful and respectful while they're here.  I mean, they aren't destroying anything that my tax dollars pay for, are they?

     Uh, nice.  Road repairs are free after someone tears them up burning their tires off, right?  And if they aren't, who cares?  Car #48 RULES!  I mean watching this, it's not like I'm going to hope this guy wrecks during his race, right?  Ok, yes, I'm probably going to hope he wrecks and destroys his car.  But let's move beyond what they do on the Strip.  

     If I actually went to the race, I'd want to root for the people that come in last.  The real idiots.  I want to root for the people driving in the race who shouldn't even be driving on a normal roadway!  And they're out there, believe me!  I want to root for the guy who ends up like this after two laps:

     Go car #38!  I don't know who's inside it, and I don't really care either, but how can you not love car acrobatics?  Hooray!  He might not finish the race, and will probably eat out of a tube for a few weeks, but he can still say he drove (and wrecked) in a NASCAR race!

     Obviously I don't like racing much.  I'm sure it's...fun to...I'm sure...these people aren't actually at the race, are they?

     They are?  And I can have my picture taken with them?  Maybe I'd better reconsider going to a race next year?  I need a picture with these people.  I'll make sure I'm wearing my car #38 jacket.  I know someone else who has a NASCAR M&M jacket.  I wonder if she'll read this?  *chuckle*