The Dumbest News of
All
There are a lot of dumb things that go on in the world, but
what I’m about to write about is one of the dumbest pieces of news I’ve seen in
my lifetime. First, let me spout off a
bit of personal commentary about gun safety:
During my time in the military and even some time in the
civilian world I made it my business to learn about guns. Not because I really like them (We all like
gun when we’re young, they’re loud, violent and exciting), but because they’re
dangerous. And if you have at least some
knowledge about something dangerous, you can keep yourself a lot safer around
it. Anyway, it’s not very difficult to
tell if a weapon is loaded. You simply
open the firing chamber and look inside.
I know that sounds complicated, but it isn’t. If you own a gun, you should know how to do
this. People that claim they were
cleaning their weapons and end up shooting themselves are morons. Saying “I didn’t know it was loaded” shows
that you aren’t responsible to have a weapon in my opinion. Not checking to see
if a weapon has a bullet in the chamber before “cleaning” it is irresponsible.
Now that I’ve said my piece, let’s move on to baseball. What do guns have to do with baseball? Well let me tell you about an idiot named
Jose Canseco. He was a baseball player
years ago. He hit a lot of homeruns, but was also probably using a bunch of “ability
enhancing drugs”. That means he was
probably full of steroids, but let’s forget that for a second.
Jose made millions playing baseball and eventually wrote a
book called Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How
Baseball Got Big.
Think Jose was into some “juicing” now? Anyway, that’s not the major reason I’m
writing about him being stupid. Let’s
move on from baseball and book writing to today. A short while ago Jose was cleaning (ie:
playing with) a gun. The gun went off
and blew his middle finger off his hand.
Jose said he didn’t know the gun was loaded. See my paragraph above about how to check if
a weapon is loaded. Here’s the fabulous
news story:
At least alcohol wasn’t
involved. So now we know that Jose is
that stupid sober. And his lovely
girlfriend would like you to pray for Jose’s finger. But this STILL isn’t why I’m writing about
how dumb this guy is! The story goes on
from here! How is stuff like this
news? Probably because people like me
can’t resist writing about things that are this dumb.
So Jose’s finger has been shot off
and then reattached. Any normal person
would try to learn a lesson from the incident and give their finger time to
heal. Did Jose do this? HELL NO!
I guess Jose was proud about all of
this and was tweeting all about his finger.
He even posted a photo of the bloody, blown off appendage to his twitter
feed, but after realized how gruesome that was, took the photo down a few hours
later. I’m sorry I missed seeing
that. (Actually, I’m not sorry to have missed seeing the finger and I could
care less about Jose’s twitter feed.) It’s
nice that he could take the time to get a photo of his blown off finger before
seeing a doctor.
Anyway, Jose decided to play poker a
bit after that and his finger “fell off” again.
Maybe it was too embarrassed to be attached to this moron anymore? And again after his incessant tweeting he
made the news again. This time because
he began boasting that he will sell the finger on ebay.
My God, really? He honestly thinks someone will want to buy a
detached finger? Just a side note here,
ebay will not allow body parts to be sold on their auctions. I do think he should get rid of the gun. Or who knows, maybe we’ll see nine more of
these news stories? He got himself some
media attention with this stunt, so why not shoot off the other nine
fingers?
