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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Trip to Toys R Us...the sequel

Yup, once again I was bored and took a trip to Toys R Us to see what kind of toys are out there for the kids of today.  My generation had a whiffle ball and bat, a bike, and some stuffed animals.  This generation...well...they're spoiled stupid.

Here's a character called "The Joker."  He's a maniac, a killer, and not a very nice person!  Not the kind of role model you want for a little kid!

Or is he?  Let's make some toys based on this guy for little kids!  And not just little kids, but toddlers!  Hooray!

Need I say anymore about this?  Ok, it's just a clown, right?  How about this one?

He comes with a bazooka and...I guess large, metal anal probe?  What the hell is the metal thing on the left hand side of him?  Is it...does it maybe fit into the bazooka like ammo?  Then the kid who receives this can shoot the bazooka thing into his eye, or throat, or whatever!  Hooray!  As a side note here, when I was a kid I really wanted a Cylon fighter ship and little Cylon that would fit in the ship.  Before I could ask Mom for one, some kid shot the missiles attached to it down his throat and choked himself.  Then his mom sued the toy company and it was removed from the shelves.  Thanks, stupid kid!

Here's a good one.  It's the Playmobile family boating set.  It has a mom and dad, two kids, and all the fun outing stuff you'd need!  Fun for the tub, or the pool.  And then here comes the damn neighbor kid with the redneck boating set!

Your pretend family is trying to have fun on the pretend lake, and here come these drunken idiots with their huge grappling hook, and their noisy, nasty redneck boat!  Can you imagine these idiots zooming by the nice family and throwing beer cans at them?  YEEEEEHA!

Ok yes, maybe I'm taking these two toys way too seriously.  How about another boating toy?  And this one I can't really even figure out:

Ok, which one is the "True Hero?"  The squid, or the pirate guy with the black knife?  And why is this guy in what looks like a rowboat, anyway?  I guess the guy is a hero fighting the squid with his little black knife until the neighbor kids zoom by in their redneck boat and shoot the grappling hook into the squid and then they're the heros, right?  Or maybe they hook the little rowboat and sink the pirate guy?  (I think my imagination is running away here.)

Now I'm fine with merchandising.  George Lucas can in a way be called one of the fathers of this.  He was smart enough to keep the merchandising rights to Star Wars and the original figures are now expensive collectables!  Brilliant! we really have to merchandise everything now?  If a movie comes out, there are toys for it.

These are from the movie Cars 2.  The one on the left is a Gremlin.  My first car was a Gremlin.  They want $8.19 for these things?  The Gremlin I had cost me close to that!  And now they expect someone to pay that much for a Hotwheels type car that has eyes?  Hotwheels used to only be $0.99!  What the hell?    I've never actually seen a Hotwheels Gremlin, though.  I wonder if they're out there?

I did like Toy Story.  I liked all three movies.  These figures aren't from the movies, though.  These are from a short that came on before Cars 2!  Are we that desperate for money that we're now going to make an 8 minute, or so clip and then try to sell toys from that?

And last, but not least, how about this?  A lie detector for kids.  Do you suppose this actually works?  Can you see Dad one night sneaking this toy out and trying to question Mom with it?  We're really selling a lie detector set to kids?  And if it doesn't work, is that supposedly teaching kids that they can beat the machine?  Oy.

Ok, that's about it for this trip through Toys R Us.  I really do wonder what toys I'd be playing with if I were 10 today.  Probably video games.


Friday, July 22, 2011

Ranting, Raving, bitching Robert

Yes, today I'm going to rant and bitch.  It's my blog, and I can do that if I want to!  Here's the deal:  I spend time on the things I write.  I make sure they're what I want to put out, I work on the stories, and usually for a book, it's taken me months to put one together.  Not months as in two or three, we're talking 10, or 11 months!  And now, here we have digital publishers.  I have nothing against them, as a matter of fact, I LOVE digital publishers!  They really help little independents like me get rolling.  But just because you can put a book out, doesn't mean you should.

Here's what I mean:  I'm seeing some people brag about putting out two, or three books or stories a month. What the hell is that?  Not that people can't write a book in 2 weeks, but...ok, you can't write and edit a good book or story in two weeks!  Not continuously!  BOOKS ARE NOT A NEWSPAPER COLUMN! Isn't the writing industry clogged enough?  Now I have to write and compete with someone who is putting out 50 books a year?  What the hell?  Just because you write a book every two weeks doesn't make you a good author, it makes you a puppy mill author! 

Ok, there's my rant for tonight.  

Friday, July 15, 2011

Land of the Dense

     Hi, and welcome to fabulous Las Vegas!

     Las Vegas is Wonderland!  You can come here and get as drunk as you want, do anything you like, and nothing bad will ever happen to you!

LAS VEGAS (AP) -- A man has been critically injured after falling from an escalator on the Las Vegas Strip.
Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department spokeswoman Laura Meltzer said the man fell about 30 feet from an escalator leading to a bridge near Caesar's and the Bellagio casino around 4:30 a.m. Friday.
Meltzer said the 39-year-old man was a French national in town for a convention. His identity has not been released.
He was reportedly with a group of people and attempted to stand on the railing when he fell.
Meltzer said alcohol appears to be involved.

Oh.  Ok, that doesn't look so good.  I can't believe that you'd injure yourself if you get really drunk and try to stand on the handrail of a moving escalator!  How unfair of Las Vegas to injure this person!  You'd think that drunk people can do anything!  Or at least drunk people think they can do anything.  VEGAS, BABY!

That's just one idiot though, right?  I mean, who does something like that?  You're pretty safe here crossing the street at least, right?

Pedestrian killed in Las Vegas Strip accident identified

Posted: Apr. 29, 2011 | 10:37 a.m.BY MIKE BLASKY
A man who died Thursday after being struck by a driver on the Las Vegas Strip was identified Friday.
Russell Barnet Fix III, 58, of Las Vegas, was struck and killed by a 1998 Ford F-150 truck driven by Aleesha C. Daly, 28, at 12:10 a.m. Thursday.
She was arrested by Las Vegas police on suspicion of drunken driving.
The collision happened on Las Vegas Boulevard just outside the Four Seasons Hotel.
Police said Fix had been in a crosswalk, but then entered the right travel lane and headed toward a bus stop. He was jaywalking when struck by the truck, police said.
Daly was booked into the Clark County jail. She is being held on a $2,000 bond.

Oh.  So even jaywalking is dangerous here?  Geez!  It was probably the guy's fault for jaywalking.  Wait...the girl was driving drunk too, wasn't she?  Wow...
So I guess Las Vegas isn't the safe haven stupid people think it is, is it?  Now I don't feel as safe as I did before I started writing this.