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Sunday, April 15, 2012

What do you want me to do?

I have idiots ask me that question.  "What do you want me to do?"  Actually, I want them to go away.  I wonder how these people get through everyday life.  Do they really have to be told what to do?  I mean, do they go into a bank, wait their turn and when they get up to the teller ask them "What am I here for?  What do you want me to do?"

I'm simply stunned by this kind of behavior!  And before you people wonder, yes I'm speaking about when I'm at work!  And if people I work with read this, they'll probably know exactly who most of the people I'm talking about are!  Although I really doubt the people who I'm talking about will read this.  They might find a computer somewhere, but would probably just sit in front of it and ask it "What do you want me to do?"

Have I confused you yet?  This is how a typical situation at work goes:

Someone calls security dispatch and says that there is someone throwing food in the cafe.  I assure the caller that I will send an officer right over to take care of things.  Now I have to use the radio to call someone.

Me:  Control to Charlie Three.  (I get no answer, and so have to try again and again.)  Control to Charlie Three.  Control to Charlie Three, yoo-hoo Charlie Three, are you out there?

C3:  CHARLIE THREE, GOOOOOOO!  (This guy is way too shook up and needs to calm down.)

Me:  Charlie Three go over to the cafe, there is a report of someone throwing food.

C3:  Charlie Three, GOOOOOO!

Me:  Go to the cafe and check on someone throwing food.

C3:  Someone's throwing food?  What's the location?

Me:  The cafe. 

C3:  Ten four, the cafe!  And what's going on there?

Now one of the other fun people decides to chime in:

H1:  This is Henry One, do you want me to head over there?

C3:  This is Charlie Three, what's going on at the cafe?

Me:  Henry One, go ahead and head over and back up Charlie Three.  Person throwing food.


H1:  Copy, back up Charlie Three.  What's his location?

By now I'm rubbing my forehead and wondering why I didn't go to college.  I really wonder if there are people this dumb in every career field.  Now another phone call comes in from the cafe.  It's Charlie Three calling:

C3:  This is Charlie Three, I'm at the cafe.  What's going on here?

Me:  How would I know what's going on there?  I'm out here in dispatch.  

More radio traffic from the brilliant Henry One:

H1:  Ok, I found Charlie...AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!  THEY'RE THROWING FOOD AT ME!  WE NEED MORE OFFICERS OVER HERE!  (When he starts screaming, his voice goes up a couple of octaves!  At first I think it's a woman screaming over the radio and am trying to figure out which female officer is calling for help.  Then I realize it's just Henry One.)

Still on the phone with Charlie Three:

C3:  They're throwing food at him!  What do you want me to do?

Me:  Who is throwing food at who?

C3: At him!  They're throwing the food at him!

Me:  Ok, how about you go over and tell whoever it is to stop throwing the food?

C3:  What do you want me to do?

This wasn't Animal House.  Some people had two kids who were a bit worked up and were throwing a bit of food.  They saw Henry One and lobbed a biscuit at him.  All these two idiots had to do was to walk over to the parents and ask them to get a bit more control over their kids.  "What do you want me to do?"  For crying out loud!

If you work with me, don't go off asking other people about the food fight!  This is all made up!  So don't start thinking you know what's fiction on my blog, and what's true stuff.  You'll never figure it out.  I have a hard time figuring out what's true myself because the true stories are sometimes so much dumber than the stories I make up!  I honestly can't believe the reality I live in now!

But then, "What do you want me to do?"