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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Drying up the Sahara

     I took a trip to the Sahara hotel yesterday.  Why?  Because it's going to close.  It's on the North end of the Las Vegas Strip.  This is a huge hotel with a few thousand rooms, and a good sized casino!  It has a roller coaster out front, and an eating challenge that was featured on the show "Man Vs. Food!"  And now it's going to close.  Why?  Because the millionaire who owns it decided he doesn't want it open anymore.  Does this really bother me?  It's one more of the old Vegas casinos that's going to disappear, so that bothers me a bit.  But I never really went there.  I'm closer to the South end of the Strip.  A lot of people will be out of work come the end of May.  Wow, let's flood the city with more unemployed people, hooray!

     Another bothersome thing is that this is one of the last "Low limit" casinos left.  They have $1  blackjack.  You can't really play it because the tables are all jammed up with idiots, but still, it's there.

     Well, it WAS only at the Sahara.  Pretty soon it won't be anywhere.  Eventually, you'll be able to come to Las Vegas and it won't be very crowded at all.  That'll be because the corporations are starting to make everything so expensive, no one can afford to come here and gamble.  Super rich people, but how many of them are there really?  I know a lot of people out there THINK they're super rich.  I hear it all the time at work, how the drunken idiot in handcuffs makes way more than me.  (I'm sure all the other people at the detention center are really impressed.)  But your average person can't afford to play blackjack when the table limits are $25 a hand!

     Where was I?  Oh yeah, closing the Sahara.  They had this whole "Nascar" thing going, too.  Here's a picture of their ad on a wall for the "Eating challenge."

     Look at that!  How fun, right?  Gone.  The millionaire doesn't care about fun, he cares about closing a place and keeping all the money.  I wonder what "Man Vs. Food" thinks about the Sahara closing?  The show aired a while ago, so they probably don't care.

     Here's another question.  What will they do with the hotel after it closes?  Is it going to just sit empty? There are a number of construction projects here now that just sit empty.  No one works on them, and they just sit there dark.  What the hell is the point of that?  Will a bunch of homeless people live in it now?  If you've seen CSI, they show closed places with all the table games, and stuff still inside a locked place.  That's not realistic.  They'll gut the place and there won't even be a chair left inside after it closes!

     Just another piece of the old Vegas going away.  I did buy me two $1 chips, and one $5 chip for souvenirs, though.  They're actually really nice chips!  What a waste!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Intro to Apes and Wolves

     I loved the movie Planet of the Apes.  It came out when I was a kid, and it was just fantastic!  I can also remember watching the Planet of the Apes tv show each week, but can't really remember any of the episodes.  I remember the movie, though!  And I'm sitting here now wondering what it would be like to interview a couple of the characters from the movie.  No, not the actors, but the actual characters.

"Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!"

     I loved it.  I've gotten involved with another blog recently (No, I'm not going to tell you where it is, because you'll stop reading this one and go over there!) and for my part I get to interview characters from other author's books.  (Ok, I'll tell you where it is eventually.  It won't be up and running til March 24th, though.)  That sounded easy enough at first.  But then I met a few of the characters.  Oy.

     Not that these people (characters) are really all that bad, they're just...not quite what I had thought I would be interviewing.  First, let me say that most of these characters are going to be from erotic books.  Yes, erotic as in they have sex in the book.  No problem, I can handle that.  I just wasn't particularly prepared for who I would meet, who was having sex.  The first "couple" I was assigned to interview were a werewolf and his wife, a necromancer.  The necromancer was also involved with a demon.  So...what am I supposed to ask these people?  And how the hell am I supposed to concentrate when I'm sitting on a couch and looking at this sitting across from me?

"Uh...hi.  How did you meet...oh, you found her in the woods?  Wait, that's not what you said?  Can you speak without growling at me so much?"

     If I see this thing pee on the rug, I'm going to freak out!  This is one of those times where I'm sitting there thinking "Holy cow, how did I get myself into this?"  (I haven't gotten back the answers to the questions I sent the author quite yet.  I'm still waiting to see if she had a really good sense of humor, or if I'm going to be eaten for lunch later.)

     The next interview I end up with has to do with two characters who live in a cabin back in the 1800's.    For crying out loud, I live surrounded by technology now!  What am I supposed to ask them, are the woods pretty?  And then as the interview goes on, we get into hanging women on a hook, and Friday night spankings.  Not that those are bad things.  *chuckle*  This interview turned out much nicer than I thought it would.  And I guess I did pretty well.  Maybe this interviewing thing won't be so bad after all?

     I don't think the guy was really a lumberjack, but he did tell me that he had "Chopped a lot of wood."  I'm not sure if he was serious, or was an erotic story, I guess.  Ok, chop that wood, bro!

     Whether hard, or easy, I do think doing these interviews will broaden my horizons as a writer.  The first two have really made me have to think.  I suppose that's a good thing?  I guess we'll find out, won't we?

     Ok, now I know one, or two of you are really curious if this is another real blog I'm talking about.  Trust me, it is.  I'll give you the first two words for the blog name today, but that's it!  If you're really curious, email me, or leave a comment, or something. I'll think about telling you where it really is after it's up and rolling.

So I guess I'll see everyone at Sex Marks ... .-....  *chuckle*

Monday, March 14, 2011

Snooki's Booki

     Recently, I came across someone named "Snooki."  I found out this...person...had written a book.  Well, kind of written a book.  I've never liked "Ghost writers" or celebrities who use them.  Someone else writes the book, and then they pretend it's theirs.  What a load of crap!  Anyway, this Snooki girl supposedly wrote a book with some help.  It's called "Snooki: A Shore Thing."  And it's a "Thing" alright!  I haven't read the so called "book" and really have no interest in it.  But I loved the reviews!

     Here's the budding author now!  Looks like she has a couple fans with her!  As an author myself, (Not just of this blog, I've actually written a few books!) I do know about reviews.  Especially reviews on  They can be good, or bad, or mixed.  Most of the reviews for my books are pretty good.  I might have one or two 1 star ratings.  But the reviews this Snooki person  Let's take a look at a couple:  (If you don't believe me, feel free to look these up on yourself!)

"I'm fairly certain Snooki has never written a book, much less read one. I feel nauseated simply calling this a book. By doing so, a great injustice is inflicted upon all books ever written. There is certainly a lack of planning in regards to supply and demand on the part of those behind this steaming pile."

     That seems just a bit negative to me.  "Steaming pile" really seems brutal!  That's probably just one person's opinion, right?  WRONG!  There seem to be a lot of people who think this is really a waste of paper.  Let's check out another review, or two, shall we?

"I bought this book in the hope that it would at least be printed on double or triple ply paper in order to compensate for the massive brain damage caused to its purchasers (what people don't know about this book is that from the moment of purchase, it begins to emit gamma radiation directed at its owner's head. Whether this is a diabolical scheme of Snooki's to devolve the human race so she can run for government office or a simple unfortunate accident of being spawned of such a damaged mind). Alas, I was greatly chagrined to discover that it is indeed single ply and that I am still left with chapped buttocks. Would not buy again." on:

"Horrible book...!!! I'm still trying to figure out why this girl is popular...God Help us if any teenager tries to be like this porky braindead girl..!!!"


"no i have not read this book and i dont intend on it. but the reviews are hysterical, snickas should put them in a book and sell it. i`d buy."

     That person didn't even buy the book!  But they took the time to post a review about the other reviews!

"People who claim to care about the environment should be ashamed that this book was printed. This is pure garbage. A 300 page book of a child's crayon scribblings would be more edifying than this."

     These are all pretty negative reviews!  I mean you could maybe say the plot was a bit thin, the characters weren't thought out, things didn't make sense.  But to call it "pure garbage?"  Wow, that's...that's pretty bad!  Now, if she really did write the book, it's just sad that someone would publish it and not care about what was in it.  If she had a ghost writer do the book and try to make it look like she did it herself...well, that's just really sad!  How do you think these reviews would look on a resume?

"It is so nice to see marketing to the often neglected illiterate demographic. I only question the wisdom in presenting it in book format. Is this an attempt at reaching out to those who suffer from adult illiteracy, or a slap in the face. I do not know."


"Literature is by definition, simply that which can be read. Not a whole lot is required to meet that basic definition. Yet this book somehow manages to avoid it. Even though with some effort one can probably mouth the words that the letters on the various pages form, it is still a far cry from being readable." 

     I'm not sure I could write a book that gets reviews this bad if I tried!  What the hell?  And the book has made the New York Times Best Seller list.  That just goes to show that all you need to sell a book now is to be somewhat famous.  You don't even have to be able to write coherently!  I can't resist one final one:

"I had run out of toilet paper and noticed that someone had left a copy of this wonderful book on the floor. Believe me this ain't no Charmin but in a desperate situation it came in quite handy. Thank you Snooki for creating this fun filled emergency bum wipe."

     As I end this blog, I'd like to point out how many really good unpublished authors there are out there.  And yet a publisher decided to put out this crap just to make money.  Yes, I'm sure money is important to them, obviously more important than quality.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Dense and famous

     What does it take to be a celebrity today?  Apparently all you have to do is be really rich, and really stupid.  You can be like Charlie Sheen and act all crazy.

"Yeah, I'm on a drug, it's called the Charlie Sheen!"

     Yeah, it's called something all right, Charlie.  But he's not the only one, he's just the current one.  And do I blame him for this?  No, not really.  Just be a moron, and you get everything.  I work with stupid, cowardly people, but they aren't famous because they aren't rich.  I'm not even sure how some of them pay their bills!  But if you've got a lot of money and are stupid, you get to have a lot of attention.

     Let's move on from Charlie and take a look at a few other "winners."  How about Paris Hilton?  Now there's a rocket scientist, huh?  Let's take a look at a couple of her quotes:

"All British people have plain names, and that works pretty well over there."

     Does this make any sense to anyone?  Plain names?  Who even makes quotes like this?  At least most of the British people weren't named after the city their father probably knocked their mother up in!  Hopefully all the British people are offended by this.

"I love Africa in general, South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries."

     "West Africa?" I guess the Hilton family makes up it's own geography?  She thinks they're both "great countries."  I'm sure the Hilton family is so proud!  And finally, one of my favorites:

"I don't like parties past 2am.  Then it's all losers and weirdos."

     I get the feeling that her parties are full of losers and weirdos no matter what time it is!  The party wouldn't have losers and weirdos if you didn't invite them, would it?  Does she just go to public parties with people she doesn't know?  I get the feeling she doesn't really know anyone, though.  All that matters to this moron is herself.  Ask her, she'll tell you how important she is.  *chuckle*

     Here's a story I found online while trying to look up these stupid quotes.  I'm not sure who wrote it, and it's not about anyone famous, but it shows why we think these crazy, stupid celebrities are so cool!

"I was at the checkout of a Kmart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again ... same senario ! I departed the store with the $46.64."

     Yay, Kmart!  They hire the best people, don't they?  So is it any wonder now why the average person thinks so highly of someone who was arrested with a purse full of cocaine and told the police she thought it was "gum?"

     Moving on, as Groucho Marx said, "A child of 5 would understand this.  Send someone to fetch a child of 5."

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

     That one came from Mariah Carey.  Not self centered, or anything, is she?  She cried because she wants to be skinny.  Oy.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."

     Mayor Marion Barry!  This is the crackhead who was elected mayor.  It was public knowledge that he smoked crack, and he was still elected.  How do you wake up after smoking crack and think to yourself, "Hey, I want to be a mayor!"  Unreal.  And if you don't count the killings, their crime rate is low, huh?  I guess killing isn't a crime if you need crack?

"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa."

     Another geography expert, Britney Spears.  I like a few of the songs she's done, but even they don't make any sense.  I still can't figure out what she means when she sings "Hit me baby, one more time!"  I wonder if someone did hit her, would it knock some sense into her?

     I could obviously go on and on.  As you can see, I'm bored as hell this week, and didn't know what to write.  So I guess I'll end this here.  I'd like to suggest to people that if you don't know what the hell you're talking about, keep your mouth shut.  But that won't happen.  So as George W. Bush said, "Don't misunderestimate me." whatever the hell that means.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Nascar Traffic

     NASCAR is in Las Vegas this week.  I don't care for racing.  Yes, I know a few people who go to the race and party in the parking lot, and drink beer and see the sites, and then watch the cars zoom by.  They pay money for headphones so they can hear what the drivers say while they're racing.  I wonder if it's really worth money to hear some guy scream profanity after another guy rams his car?  They tell me it's not "ramming" though, it's rubbing.  And rubbing is racing!  Hooray!

     Kind of like racing through Las Vegas traffic normally, right?  Were you ever on the road and suddenly hear a siren?  An ambulance is coming up behind you with its lights flashing, and siren wailing away?  You pull over to the side of the road and let them pass, right?  WRONG!  Not in Vegas you don't!  The idiots here don't even want to pull over for the police, you think they'll pull over for an ambulance?  Here's some three day weekend traffic:

     The paramedics can get through this, right?  Ask that question again when someone is having a heart attack.  Is there somewhere I can rent some headphones to listen to the drivers scream profanity when an ambulance tries to get by them?  oh wait, I don't need headphones, the idiots here just yell out their car windows so I can hear them!

"Turn that fucking siren off, I can't hear my music!"

     Music is much more important than a heart attack, right?  Where was I?  Oh, NASCAR, right.  These guys come once a year and fill the town up with NASCAR people.  They're ok, I guess.  No worse than any normal tourists, right?  And they don't really block off any roads, do they?

     Ok, they do tour down the Strip.  But it's only for a little while!  Cars and the trucks that haul them drive down the Strip so everyone can see them.  And they pull over for the paramedics to get buy if they have to, right?  Or not, who cares?  At least they're careful and respectful while they're here.  I mean, they aren't destroying anything that my tax dollars pay for, are they?

     Uh, nice.  Road repairs are free after someone tears them up burning their tires off, right?  And if they aren't, who cares?  Car #48 RULES!  I mean watching this, it's not like I'm going to hope this guy wrecks during his race, right?  Ok, yes, I'm probably going to hope he wrecks and destroys his car.  But let's move beyond what they do on the Strip.  

     If I actually went to the race, I'd want to root for the people that come in last.  The real idiots.  I want to root for the people driving in the race who shouldn't even be driving on a normal roadway!  And they're out there, believe me!  I want to root for the guy who ends up like this after two laps:

     Go car #38!  I don't know who's inside it, and I don't really care either, but how can you not love car acrobatics?  Hooray!  He might not finish the race, and will probably eat out of a tube for a few weeks, but he can still say he drove (and wrecked) in a NASCAR race!

     Obviously I don't like racing much.  I'm sure it' to...I'm sure...these people aren't actually at the race, are they?

     They are?  And I can have my picture taken with them?  Maybe I'd better reconsider going to a race next year?  I need a picture with these people.  I'll make sure I'm wearing my car #38 jacket.  I know someone else who has a NASCAR M&M jacket.  I wonder if she'll read this?  *chuckle*