Snooki's Booki

     Recently, I came across someone named "Snooki."  I found out this...person...had written a book.  Well, kind of written a book.  I've never liked "Ghost writers" or celebrities who use them.  Someone else writes the book, and then they pretend it's theirs.  What a load of crap!  Anyway, this Snooki girl supposedly wrote a book with some help.  It's called "Snooki: A Shore Thing."  And it's a "Thing" alright!  I haven't read the so called "book" and really have no interest in it.  But I loved the reviews!

     Here's the budding author now!  Looks like she has a couple fans with her!  As an author myself, (Not just of this blog, I've actually written a few books!) I do know about reviews.  Especially reviews on Amazon.com.  They can be good, or bad, or mixed.  Most of the reviews for my books are pretty good.  I might have one or two 1 star ratings.  But the reviews this Snooki person got...wow.  Let's take a look at a couple:  (If you don't believe me, feel free to look these up on Amazon.com yourself!)

"I'm fairly certain Snooki has never written a book, much less read one. I feel nauseated simply calling this a book. By doing so, a great injustice is inflicted upon all books ever written. There is certainly a lack of planning in regards to supply and demand on the part of those behind this steaming pile."

     That seems just a bit negative to me.  "Steaming pile" really seems brutal!  That's probably just one person's opinion, right?  WRONG!  There seem to be a lot of people who think this is really a waste of paper.  Let's check out another review, or two, shall we?

"I bought this book in the hope that it would at least be printed on double or triple ply paper in order to compensate for the massive brain damage caused to its purchasers (what people don't know about this book is that from the moment of purchase, it begins to emit gamma radiation directed at its owner's head. Whether this is a diabolical scheme of Snooki's to devolve the human race so she can run for government office or a simple unfortunate accident of being spawned of such a damaged mind). Alas, I was greatly chagrined to discover that it is indeed single ply and that I am still left with chapped buttocks. Would not buy again."

Ouch...read on:

"Horrible book...!!! I'm still trying to figure out why this girl is popular...God Help us if any teenager tries to be like this porky braindead girl..!!!"

***

"no i have not read this book and i dont intend on it. but the reviews are hysterical, snickas should put them in a book and sell it. i`d buy."

     That person didn't even buy the book!  But they took the time to post a review about the other reviews!

"People who claim to care about the environment should be ashamed that this book was printed. This is pure garbage. A 300 page book of a child's crayon scribblings would be more edifying than this."

     These are all pretty negative reviews!  I mean you could maybe say the plot was a bit thin, the characters weren't thought out, things didn't make sense.  But to call it "pure garbage?"  Wow, that's...that's pretty bad!  Now, if she really did write the book, it's just sad that someone would publish it and not care about what was in it.  If she had a ghost writer do the book and try to make it look like she did it herself...well, that's just really sad!  How do you think these reviews would look on a resume?

"It is so nice to see Amazon.com marketing to the often neglected illiterate demographic. I only question the wisdom in presenting it in book format. Is this an attempt at reaching out to those who suffer from adult illiteracy, or a slap in the face. I do not know."

***

"Literature is by definition, simply that which can be read. Not a whole lot is required to meet that basic definition. Yet this book somehow manages to avoid it. Even though with some effort one can probably mouth the words that the letters on the various pages form, it is still a far cry from being readable." 

     I'm not sure I could write a book that gets reviews this bad if I tried!  What the hell?  And the book has made the New York Times Best Seller list.  That just goes to show that all you need to sell a book now is to be somewhat famous.  You don't even have to be able to write coherently!  I can't resist one final one:

"I had run out of toilet paper and noticed that someone had left a copy of this wonderful book on the floor. Believe me this ain't no Charmin but in a desperate situation it came in quite handy. Thank you Snooki for creating this fun filled emergency bum wipe."

     As I end this blog, I'd like to point out how many really good unpublished authors there are out there.  And yet a publisher decided to put out this crap just to make money.  Yes, I'm sure money is important to them, obviously more important than quality.  But...wow.