Laziest in HISTORY!

     I really do live in Wonderland.  And not the "Oh wow, look how wonderful everything is here!" kind of wonderland either.  I live in the "I can't believe you actually did that" kind of wonderland.

"I'm not trained."

     This is what I hear every night I work.  This seems to be what you say anytime you don't want to do something where I work.  You just say you aren't trained, and then walk away from something.  It can even be something as simple as filling out a paper.  One guy was "trained" three nights in a row on how to fill out this small paper that takes maybe a minute and a half to do.  On the fourth night, he refused to fill the paper out saying he wasn't "trained."  I'm not sure how some of the people I work with get their shoes tied before they come to work.

     As a security officer you need to write reports sometimes.  Most of the people I work with refuse to write a report saying they aren't "trained."  Even if they're involved in an incident I'm handling, and all they need to do is get someone's name, or ID, or something, they still do nothing.  Do I have an extreme example?  Of course!  I get sent to a room where a guy has stopped breathing.  His wife is frantic, and I call for the paramedics and start CPR on him!  I do CPR until the paramedics arrive and they put him on a their gurney and take him away.  While I was doing CPR and waiting for the paramedics, there were 3 other people in the room related to the man.  Everyone leaves with the paramedics and I find the three other officers who were on the call with me.  Actually I only find two, one has decided everything was too traumatic for him to handle and went home.  He didn't do CPR, or even come inside the room to help me, but he went home anyway.  I ask the other two officers what the guy's name was that I was doing CPR on.  I get this:

"I dunno."

     Ok, I was doing CPR on him for 15 minutes!  No one else bothered to get his ID, or talk to his wife, or anything like that?

"I dunno."

     When I talk to a supervisor later, what I get is the same thing:  They talk to the other officers who were up on the call with me and the explanation they get is "I'm not trained."  How are you not trained to ask for someone's ID, or gather information?  I really wonder what these people are actually "trained" to do!  I have NEVER in my life seen people this lazy!

     So now the "management" people have decided that everyone will be sent to a lot of "classes."  I guess these will be classes like how to stand upright, or how not to drool on people while you're claiming you aren't "trained."

     Back to writing reports.  Last night an officer was tasked to write a report because they called for the paramedics.  That's fine, you can call for the paramedics if you need them.  But then you are responsible to write a report about what happened.  I can't put the report in this blog, but I can write something similar:

'i saw guy there on the floor  he said oooo.  i said aaa and asked if he was on the floor  he said oof and tried to tell me the wather.  he was not responsiveable and so i called for amr.  they came and said ooothen he went to the hspital.'

     I honestly think I could recruit more security officers from a local kindergarten who could write reports that make more sense.  You might think I exaggerate these things to make what I write funnier, but that couldn't be further from the truth!  I guess the person who writes like that isn't "trained?"  But trained in what, modern English?  Holy cow!  How would you even train someone like that?  And what would you even start to train them in?  People complain about working with maids that only speak Spanish and no English, but what do you say about someone who's primary language is English and also speaks just the way I wrote the above 'fake' report?

     These are the people who write "maybe" on their employment application where it asked for "sex."  They check both boxes they see, both "male" and "female" and think it's some kind of "perk" if they get the job.  I'm just...stunned.

     I'm usually assigned to the security podium every night now because no one else is "trained" to work up there.  I know not to drink any water while I'm working, even if I'm thirsty, because if I have to go to the bathroom later I either can't find any other security on the floor, or if I do, they won't sit at the booth while I run to take a minute and a half piss because they aren't "trained."  Someone might come up and ask them something!

     I know I'm venting a lot here.  And some of this is fiction.  (Probably just the part about what people write on their applications?)  But honestly...REALLY?  Are people really this dumb and lazy?  Oy.