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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

TSA Density

     It's almost Thanksgiving.  That means time to travel and visit family.  Turkey, football, and the start of insane Christmas shopping.  And of hassling TSA security in airports.  What the hell is wrong with people?  People are now hung up on scanners at the airport.  Back when they started to use x-ray equipment to scan your carry on bags people were upset that it might ruin the film in their cameras.  I can understand that.  You spent a whole week trying to get a picture of Uncle Sid wearing nothing but a fig leaf, and now the airport ruined it!  That's something to protest.  But now people don't want to get in a new full body scanner because someone might see their "junk."  Oh no!  Give me a break!  You people and your "rights" are making me sick!  During the summer I flew through Salt Lake City and went through one of the scanners.  I was more unhappy that I had to pull every scrap of paper out of my pockets, than I was about anyone seeing what I looked like under my clothes.  These people act like they're being asked to march in a naked parade!

     Here's an actual TSA scan.  Scandalous, isn't it?  How horrifying, you can see her gun...I mean boobs!  And you can clearly see that this is...that...I can't tell who this is.  So who is it?  If you go out into the airport and see 50 idiots protesting this machine, which one was the one pictured here?  Probably the one waving the gun and yelling "Wawawawawa!"  But besides that, what "junk" is pictured here?  People just want to protest anything anymore.  They claim they don't have anything to hide, but they don't want to be scanned.  Luckily, no one was protesting the scanner in front of me in line.  If I had missed my plane because some idiot was causing a scene screaming that they didn't want anyone to see their "junk" I think I probably would have kicked them in the their junk!  What is with you stupid people?  Lines at the airport aren't long enough?  You want to make them longer because you're afraid someone might see your private parts?  How many of these idiots refuse to go through a scan on their way flying to a topless beach somewhere?

     Here we have an evil TSA person scanning another woman.  Look at the evil look on her face!  Look how she's ogling the young girl!  Look how...ok, she doesn't really look interested.  This is some good looking girl and the TSA agent isn't really interested.  How about ugly people?  Do you suppose she's interested in them?  Or do you suppose she just wants to get through her shift and go home like everyone else?  Is the TSA somehow only hiring perverts that have an x-ray collection of naked people?  

     If you refuse to go through the scanner, they give you the option to be frisked by hand.  But people don't want to be touched.  "If you touch my junk, I'll sue you!"  How about if you refuse to go through the scanner, we sue you?  A better idea might be if you refuse to be scanned, you don't fly.  If I worked for the TSA and someone refused to go through the scanner, and then threatened to sue me if I touched them when I frisked them, I would just refuse them entry to the boarding area.  "Sorry sir, you present a threat.  Go away."  Then they can sue me, and the airport, and the government, and everyone else and try to prove that all their rights were violated because they refused an airport safety precaution.  

     Now it's a big deal.  Everyone wants to blog about how they hate the new scanners.  They're a violation, they show everything, the TSA is hassling people!  Last year I flew to Florida for my birthday and the TSA agent looked at my driver's license and said, "Happy birthday!"  Was that hassling me?  I was really pleased, and my birthday vacation started out really nice with that comment.  I think these people unhappy with the scanners have a bit too much time on their hands.

     My birthday is coming soon, and you know what I want?  I want a full body scanner.  I want to put it on my porch and use it to scan everyone who comes to visit me.  And don't be protesting it either, or I'll sue you!  HA!

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