Sports the way I want them

     Let's face it, professional sports are being ruined.  The NFL is in a lock out, the NBA is going to be in a lock out, baseball had two strikes years ago.  Money has ruined everything.  I think it's time for me to watch golf, but I want a few changes:

     First, I want "enhancers" legalized for the sport.  And not just enhancers, I want anabolic steroids not only legalized, I want them mandatory!  I want to see a guy who can hit a 600 yard drive and then after he misses a putt go nuts and start attacking the spectators!  I want this guy to be my favorite golfer:

     Here he is on the first tee, Mr...ah...Graaaaaahhh Gmmmmbble!  At first, he misses the ball completely and then starts attacking a nearby tree.  Then, after he knocks the tree down, he goes running back and smashes the golf ball 625 yards!  Unfortunately, the hole he's golfing on is only 225 yards long.  He runs over to the hole and can't find his ball.  Now he goes nuts, breaks the flag in the hole, and starts attacking his caddy.

     How about that?  Doesn't that sound more fun?  I want Lyle Alzado golf!  If you don't know who he was, he played pro football.  He did a lot of steroids and played 15 years of football.  Then he died of brain cancer at 43.  I can remember reading somewhere that when he was playing for Oakland, each day during practice a "Roach Coach" sandwich truck would pull up outside the stadium.  If Lyle didn't get the first sandwich from the truck, he would attack whoever did.  Now that's football!  Or at least steroid football...ok, steroid roach coach fun.  But still, if he were still alive, he could be part of a celebrity roid golf tournament!

     I'm sure there will be people reading this who will want to call me names, and say I'm making fun of a really dark part of sports.  But these guys did this stuff to themselves.  Another part of the "win at any cost" mentality.  And whether you like it, or not, I still want to see steroid golf!

     Here's Chi-Chi Rodriguez.  He doesn't golf anymore, he got too old, I think.  But he was fun!  Chi-Chi wasn't full of steroids, but when he would sink a really good putt, he would wave his putter around like he was sword fighting!  Yay, Chi-Chi!  Where is that in sports anymore, let alone golf?  I never heard anything bad about Chi-Chi...at all...EVER!  He was fun, and a good guy.  So if you won't let me have roid golf, how about we get more guys like Chi-Chi in the tournaments?  They may not golf well, but they won't be boring!  (And that's not to say that Chi-Chi wasn't any good, either!  He won 8 titles on the PGA Tour between 1963 and 1979, and is in the golf hall of fame!  I checked wikipedia.)

     So what the hell was I even writing about, anyway?  Oh yeah, how bad sports have become and what would help me watch golf.  Let's end this with a few...gems from sporting's past:

Bo Jackson.  He played both football for the Oakland Raiders, and baseball for the Kansas City Royals.  After striking out, he would routinely break his bat over his knee.  Yahoo!

Deon Sanders.  Famous for his football play, he also actually played pro baseball!  And was actually pretty good at both sports, too!  People either loved, or hated Deon (And still today as a commentator, people hate him.), but they can't deny he had a LOT of talent!

Finally, Jim Abbott.  This guy was born with only one hand, his left.  And still, he pitched in major league baseball!  And before you think the California Angles were just being nice letting him play, he also pitched for the New York Yankees, Chicago White Sox, and the Milwaukee Brewers!  He played pro ball from 1989 to 1999.  I do remember seeing him pitch on tv a couple of times, and he was really good!  So there!  One hand, and he struck guys out!  HA, that's what I want to see!

Drive anything as a Senator

     I grew up in Idaho.  I spent most of my youth there, and listen to someone close to me always tell me how wonderful and "crime free" it is.  Well, an Idaho Senator decided to change that!  If you're a Senator, you can do anything, right?  People in government are immune from laws, right?  Oops, wrong.

     This is Idaho Republican Senator John McGee.  Now usually I let my friend Marc complain in his blog "Political Spaghetti" about all the political stuff, but having grown up in Idaho, I think I deserve to delve into this little adventure.  Yes, that's a mug shot of Senator "Drive Anything."  He decided to get drunk in Boise, Idaho, wander down a street and then steal someone's truck.  Well, not just their truck, it also had a trailer attached to it!  So he stole a truck and trailer!  By the way, he didn't have to work too hard to steal it because the keys were left in the ignition.  You can do that and no one will steal your truck and trailer as long as it's parked in your driveway...well, unless a drunken Idaho Senator comes along, that is.

     Here's the truck and trailer he stole.  He jack knifed it in someone else's driveway, wandered back and forth in front of it, and then climbed back behind the wheel and fell asleep.  Two amused kids in the house belonging to the driveway called the police.  When the police arrived, he said he was headed for Jackpot, Nevada.  I guess Idaho wasn't good enough for him to drive around, no slot machines.  Obviously he didn't make it to Nevada here, and I can't say I'm disappointed.  We have enough of our own problems here, Idaho needs to keep their thieving Senators in their own state!  His breathalyzer test showed he was .15, nearly twice Idaho's legal limit!  Hooray, he hit the intoxication jackpot!  (But never actually made it to Jackpot...got to be clear on that!)

     Here's a bit of an article that was written about this, and my commentary on it.  My commentary is in red.  And while I'd like to give credit to the author, I couldn't find a by line.  Online stuff, you know.  Anyway, believe it or not, it's a British news article, i think!

Fellow Idaho Republican Senator Brent Hill expressed support for Mr McGee and said the immediate concern is for his colleague and his family.

But no concern for the people who had their truck stolen, or the kids who could have been killed if Senator "Take what I want" would have crashed the truck into the house instead of jack knifing it in the drive way.

Mr Hill told the Associated Press: 'We feel really bad about the situation and how it may affect his wife and family.

But not how it may affect the people who's truck was stolen?  I think both Hill and McGee lost votes here.

'Our concerns right now are to help him and his family out any way we can.

But not help the people who's truck was stolen.  How touching.

'We just want to make sure things work out for John and his family.'

In other words, they want him to get off scott free after committing a major felony.

Messages left at the McGee family home were not returned Sunday.

The article said because of the nature of the charges, he would remain in jail until Monday when he sees a judge.  So who did they think would return the messages from his house, his wife?  Did they expect to hear her say "He did what?"  What the hell?

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2005672/Senator-John-McGee-facing-drunken-driving-grand-theft-charges.html#ixzz1PosxNjcj

In Wonderland

     I've said for a long time that Las Vegas is like living in Wonderland to me.  Well now the whole world seems to be becoming Wonderland.  Honestly, what the hell is wrong with you people?  I drive down the road and some idiot has to race by me, cut me off and jam on his breaks so he can turn right!  He HAD to be in front of me before he turned!  I just can't understand someone who almost causes a car accident just so he can turn in front of someone else.  And this is nothing.  This is just the beginning...

     Now way back when I was a kid, you would always hear about the rare boys and girls who would go out behind the barn, or school, or whatever and show each other their privates.  WOW, what a thrill!  Now, we don't bother with that, we have technology!  Now we just text a picture of our privates to someone else.  Or better yet, you use a social thing like Twitter to tweet your privates out there!  This is...what can I even say about this?  And NOW, we have a guy in the government doing it!  AND HIS NAME IS WEINER!  A MAN NAMED WEINER TWEETED A PICTURE OF HIS WEINER!  Call the Mad Hatter and the March Hare and let's set up a fucking tea party!  (Sorry about the profanity, but I got a little excited there.)

     I'm not sure if this is an actual picture of the guy, but it looks like him to me.  And then he says he had some kind of "sex addiction."  Ok, I'm an alcoholic, and I can understand addictions, but how does a sex addiction get you to tweet your wiener?  Ok, wait...I think I did find a picture of him...

     How did he get elected with a neck like that?  Oh well, Washington DC elected a crackhead for mayor a few times.  And it was well known he was a crackhead, but I guess it's ok if people know you're a sex addict, or crackhead, or whore, or whatever, right?

     Weiner resigned, I guess.  I think someone named "Testicles" is taking his place.  Let's hope he doesn't like to tweet!  And while I'm on the subject, why is this crap only coming from the males?  Wouldn't it be fun for Sarah Palin to go off the deep end and tweet out a shot of her boobs?  She can have a pic taken next to her daughter, and they can both maybe show off their boobs and then say the tweet is for planned parenthood, or something!  Somebody call her, let's see em!

     Since we had a Congressman "Weiner" I think I should probably check the rest of the congressional rolls.  We might have a Congresswoman "Ta ta's"  or maybe a Congresswoman "Twat?"  Who knows?  Ok, I'm a bit lazy in that area and won't be checking any rolls, let alone the congress one.  I'll just keep checking my twitter account, though.

Vacation time

     It's vacation time again.  Yes, that time when I get away from Las Vegas and pretend I don't work at a casino!  And where am I going, you might ask?  I'm heading to a book conference.  But not just any book conference, a book conference full of women!  Hooray, you might say?  We'll see, won't we?

     It's for romance readers and writers.  For the most part, who reads and writes romance?  Women.  So where to I fit in with all of this?  Well, I did write two romance books and am kind of in the middle of a third.  And I've written a couple of "erotic" stories that I'm almost afraid to submit to some of these online publishers.  What happens if they love them and want to publish them?  *chuckle*  Oh no, I might be a writer!  And a writer women might actually want to read?  Oh no, call the authorities!

     After my first book was finished, I took a celebratory trip to Disneyland with a friend of mine, and a few kids.  I had a shirt made with the book cover and back on it.  (Yes, I'll be wearing the shirt to this conference even though the book isn't a romance!)  It happened that we somehow scheduled our trip during "Gay Days."  My friend asked me if I really wanted to wear the shirt.  "What if one of the gay people decides they like the book?" he asked me.  I was shocked that he was so homophobic that he didn't seem to want gay people to buy my book.  I told him that gay people have credit cards, too.  And if they want to buy the book and have wild, gay, sex on it, I didn't care.  As long as they bought the book!  I put it up for sale to be bought!

     So what was I talking about?  Oh yeah, a conference full of women.  So what will these women think of me?  Will they think I'm just someone's husband who's there wandering around?  Will they accept me?  I've met a couple of the women online, so they might be nice to me.  I wonder if I'll be an outcast, though?  "What if that man likes my book?"  Who cares, as long as I buy it, right?

     So far the women authors I've met online have been really nice!  So maybe they will accept me as one of their own?  After all, we're all writers, right?  And we're all there to have a good time, network, and promote, right?  This should be great!  But...

     I do have a bit of an ear infection going on now.  I'll get over it, but I'm pretty sure being on a pressurized airplane won't be very pleasant.  I do have pictures in my head of my sinuses exploding and blood everywhere.  Or maybe my ears will just pop?  Maybe my head will pop?  Oh well, what the hell?  Off we go on vacation!