News Bashing

I haven't written a blog in a while, and decided I wanted to rip into the nightly news.  No, I don't mean anything topical, or any recent news like "Las Vegas among Lowest in the U.S. in credit scores" which is an actual news story here this week.  I mean I think I'm going to rip into news programs.

Now I do have some friends on facebook who work in news rooms.  This is sarcasm people.  Don't be sending me messages bitching that newscasters are people, too!  They aren't!  No one is actually "people!" and if you aren't ready to laugh at what I'm writing, give up right here.

Here's a nice news crew.  I won't say what channel they're...oh shit, it's right there in the picture, isn't it?  Oh well.  These guys are local Las Vegas News.  And here are a few questions for them.  (And this is without even commenting about the guitar guy with his foot on the desk!)  News anchors read from a teleprompter, don't they?  Then why are there papers on the desk?  Are we taking some notes?  Is there more info there?  And what's with the laptops?  Are we looking things up as we report the story?  You need the facts before you report it, journalism 101!  This just boggles me.  

Here's Walter Cronkite at his news desk.  He needed notes.  Back when he did the news, they barely had lights in the studio, let alone a teleprompter.  And he really had to think about what he was reading.  I'm sure every now and then someone would slip a story onto the desk like "Terrorist monkeys attempted a take over of the San Diego Zoo today."  Would he have read that?  Or would Walter have skipped over it?  I'd like to think he would have read the story, and with a straight face.  But as you can see, no laptop.  Of course they weren't invented back then, but still...  Let's go back to the Vegas news crew again:

Ok, forgetting the papers and laptops, both anchors are very...nicely...dressed.  Ok, what's with the flexing black guy?  Actually, I believe this is the morning news crew.  I like to watch them.  I think that coffee cup is SITTING ON SOME OF LISA'S NOTES!  (Lisa would be the nice lady anchor on the right.  You know, the shocked one looking at the flexing black guy?)  How did her notes get all the way over there, anyway?  What is with all the paperwork, people?  Is this a news show, or a government office?  Well, at least they're dressed nicely.  Hopefully the station won't hire some kid eventually who just wears a t-shirt and some ripped jeans to do the news.

Speaking of clothes, here's a nice web news program.  I have absolutely no idea what the news was, though.  Once the one lady took off her pants, I didn't hear a word they were saying.  AND THIS ISN'T EVEN THE ACTUAL NAKED NEWS SHOW!  So no, they don't take off everything.  They take off enough, though.  They have to worry what to wear to work that can be taken off easily.  Wow.  I think the one lady says something about terrorist monkeys at the zoo, or something.  I dunno.  Wow.  Ok, enough about the news, I'm going to surf the web and find the real "Naked news."  I probably won't need the sound, though.

Man vs Dense

People are dumb.  What happened in between the time I was growing up in the 80's and now that made people so much dumber?  Or maybe they were this dumb, but the world wasn't as connected as it is today, so we couldn't tell?

Take tv for example.  There is a show called "Man Vs. Food."  It about this guy who visits restaurants, checks out the food, and then at the end he tries some gluttonous, insane eating challenge.  Can you eat 6 pounds of fries and a 10 patty burger?  Can you do it in less than 10 minutes?  Can you eat all of these hot wings that will probably burn your intestines?  Hooray, give it a shot and you can become a celebrity!

Yup, that's the guy.  Adam Richmond.  You can't beat the guy's originality, and he does have a bit of charisma.  At least when he's not trying to wolf down a huge pile of food, he's charismatic.  I'll admit I do like the show.  It's fun to watch while I scream "EAT IT, EAT IT, YOU PIG!" at the tv screen.  How fun to watch in high definition!  It's too bad that after Man Vs. Food they don't have another show called Man Vs. Toilet.  I'd honestly love to see him use the bathroom after he's taken one of the "Hot wings" challenges.

But that's tv, right?  Tv is supposed to be silly.  Real life isn't like tv, is it?  Actually, real life is worse than tv.  I work in a Las Vegas casino.  The place beats the hell out of any show that was ever on tv!  

I work with people who complain about how bad the casino is, how badly the casino runs, and what a slum it is.  And then they come in on their days off to spend time in the casino they hate.  There are a hundred different casinos here in Vegas, why would you go to the one you work at on your days off?  And then these people seek out other people they know so that they can show off that they're hanging around on their days off.  There have even been a few who go to the bar, get drunk, and then start harassing hotel guests and we have to throw them out.  If you saw this kind of thing on tv, you'd think it was made up!  No one really does that, right?  Wrong.

We have people who are tv celebrities because they go out and get drunk and act like idiots.  I'd like to say I'm talking about Jersey Shore, but there are other dumb shows on, too.  All you need to do to become a celebrity now is be on tv.  It doesn't even matter what for!  If you're on, you're hot!  There are shows about repossessing cars, bounty hunting, and even a show about cheating on your significant (or insignificant) other!

Are we really in a culture where people want to watch some idiots cheating on a spouse?  What the hell?  Great thing for the kids to learn from, right?  

So if you ever wonder why we haven't made it to Mars yet, or why we don't have flying cars.  Why we haven't developed transporters like in Star Trek, or why we don't yet understand how to build star ships that can travel the universe.  Watch some tv, or look around you.  We're more interested in being dumb.  Well, that and being greedy.  Maybe later I'll write a blog about greedy.  Oy.

TV when you're sick

I caught this year's flu.  Yuck.  And so what did I do for my days off this week?  I stayed in bed and watched tv.  And what do you suppose I watched?  Re-runs of I Love Lucy?  Unfortunately no, I ended up watching some reality tv.  Well, sort of reality.  Take this show Carfellas.  Does this actually look real to anyone?  It might be, I'm sure there are people like this somewhere.  But it looks a bit made up to me:

Now the premise of this show is that the main guy Mike was in prison for "racketeering" for the "mob" I guess?  And now he's out of prison and decides to run a used car lot with two other fat Italian guys.  Not that I don't believe this, but I tried googling his name, and can't really seem to find any news reports, or anything that really links this guy to a "mob."  And the only news report I could find that said he did three years in prison was written as a promo for the show.  I don't see this one lasting.  *chuckle*  

Next is one of my favorite shows now!  It's called "Bar Rescue." This guy goes to bars that are really pretty much slums and fixes them up so they'll be profitable and decent places to drink.  He always fixes up bars that are also restaurants, and the best part of the show is when he goes in and starts yelling about how the kitchen is filthy, or how there is a dead mouse somewhere, or garbage piled up in a corner.  And the employees never seem to understand what he's yelling about.  They'll tell the camera "I'm pretty embarrassed about what he's saying right now." but they've been working in this filth for years!  So they were embarrassed, but were always to lazy to fix anything!  It's hilarious!

I watched this episode this morning.  This clip wasn't in the episode, though.  Probably because good ol' John there talks about "manipulating employees."  If you actually listen to what he's saying, he's right.  He does know what he's talking about.  "You want employees to like you so they don't steal from you." Very good philosophy!  *chuckle*  The bar that they're in right now was called Swanky (Stinky) Bubbles.  One of the owners was giving away most of the drinks free to women so he could hit on them, but he couldn't figure out why the bar was losing money.  One of the "cooks" quit when John told him to start cleaning up the filthy kitchen.  It was really hilarious!  The funniest part of this episode to me was that at the end they always tell you what happened 30 days after the bar was fixed up.  30 days after this one was fixed up, it was right back in the toilet where it started.  Some people just don't listen. *chuckle*

And last, but not least, another ultimate favorite of mine:  Man and Woman vs Wild.  This one is just silly.  The man is an ex military survival expert, and the woman is his blonde, ex newscaster wife.  She's a British bimbo.  I don't say that to be rude, but you don't take your city girl, feminine blonde wife out into the wilds and then try to survive without supplies.  In the "Alaska" episode, they wouldn't have survived, and had to stop the show and call in rescue people.  Things just didn't work out.  That's ok, I can accept that, people don't always survive.  In another episode though, the blonde woman ends up with heat stroke and they call in a medic who gives her water, and food, and gets her well again in a couple of hours.  Then she wants to continue.  It's not really a survival situation if when things get rough you just call in a medic! Just a goofy show!  

Now not to dog on the blonde, but look at how much footage they show of her with this thing in her mouth.  How many of the crew do you think were in stitches watching this?  Yes, it's meant to be a survival technique, but all we see on tv is this blonde shoving a phallic object into her mouth over and over.  You don't see the guy sucking on it.  How...entertaining.

So, that's it for watching tv while I was sick.  I think I slept through most everything else.  With any luck I'll feel better next week and get back to work on setting up my book for release.

Writing your best

     This is a story I was told way back in Jr. High school in journalism class:

A young writer finishes off college and gets a degree in journalism.  He gets his dream job at a large newspaper and goes to work.  On his first day, he is given an assignment and writes out his article, excited that he'll finally see a story of his in the newspaper.  He submits it, and the next day reads the newspaper from front to back, but his article is nowhere to be found.  He can't believe it!

The next day, after being given his next assignment, he writes it out, but instead of submitting it, he takes it personally into the editor's office and sets it down in front of the editor.  "I'm finished with the story." he says proudly.  The editor doesn't even look up from his desk and says "Is this the best you can do?"  The reporter thinks for a minute and then says "No, I can do better."  He takes he story back to his desk to rework it.

After rewriting the story again, he takes it back to the editor.  The editor asks again "Is this the best you can do?"  The reporter is shocked.  He thinks about it and again says "No, I'm sure I can do better."  He leaves to rewrite the story.  This time, he finds pictures, he uses spell check, he talks to witnesses, he goes all out on the story.  He does an incredible amount of work and then marches back into the editor's office.  As he tosses the story on the editor's desk, the editor asks his question:  "Is this the best you can do?"

The frustrated reporter glares at the editor.  "Yes, this is the best I can do!" he shouts.  The editor now looks at the story placed on his desk and answers "Ok, then I'll read this one."

The moral here is that you need to always put your best stuff out there.  

Day #7...End of the week.

Ok, I'm aggravated.  Well, kind of aggravated.  Long, stupid night at work last night.  I won't even go into what went on in that evil, little pyramid!  (Yes, little.  Check out the dimensions of one of the pyramids in Egypt sometime!)

But my work week, and blog week is over!  This is the last blog of the exercise!  Now I can go back to writing sarcastic remarks about tourists who run around in their underwear with no ID!  Hooray!

A friend named Kallypso Masters just self published a book called Masters at Arms.  It's the first book of a series she's writing.  She has it out for only 99 cents on the Kindle!  99 CENTS, people!  You can spare a penny less than a buck, can't you?  I did.  And I might even read the book soon!  *chuckle*  Ok, yes, I will read and review her book.  First, I need to finish the current book I'm reading.  It's just a few pages shorter than War and Peace.  I've been working on this one for something like three months now, I'll be the author thinks I took the book, but wasn't going to do a review!  I will, though.  It's just taking me forever to get through his book.

Anyway, go to Amazon and buy Masters at Arms for your Kindle.  And if you don't have a Kindle...well...but one anyway, it's less than a dollar for crying out loud!  *chuckle*  And thus ends my week of blogs, and my commercial for Masters at Arms.

Also go and buy my books!  *chuckle*

Day #6...The Moon

Ok, here we go.  I'm up and awake after a nice sleep and ready to put out the blog for Day # 6.  Last night was a full moon (or close enough to it).  Of course, sitting over Vegas that's like a bug zapper for human bugs.  It brings all the idiots to the Strip.

Can you see it way up there at the top?  That just usually means the exceptionally stupid will come into the casino.  I was supposed to be working on the casino floor, but I go into work and find out I'm now suddenly stuck in the booth again.  I'm very unhappy!  But, thanks to a guy named Vic, I was able to trade off the booth position and work in the hotel.  Thanks Vic!  That entailed mostly walking around in the hallway, helping a few of the bugs...uh...guests who were locked out, but didn't have any identification on them.  Who walks around without any ID?  I still can't figure out why you would walk around in a casino with no ID?  Do these people go out at home without a wallet?  I mean, I understand they're on vacation, but when I go somewhere for vacation I always have my wallet on me!  

People get into a cab and arrive at the hotel, but don't have any money on them to pay the cab driver.  They go into the cafe, order food and eat it, but don't have any money on them to pay.

"I'll just go up to my room and come back with the money later."

Ah...no, you won't.  Do these people eat at a restaurant at home and then pull this kind of shit?  Why would you think you could possibly eat and then come back later, if you felt like it, with money?

Ok, enough rambling about stupid people in the casino.  After work I decide I want a cheeseburger.  I hit the Jack in the Box drive thru on my way home and end up right at the window waiting for my food!  Soon there's a guy in another car behind me, and then another couple of people behind him!  I'm first in line though, hooray!  He starts to get impatient and begins honking his horn at me!  I'm still waiting for my food!  I get sick of his honking his horn, I'm tired, I'm getting mad, so finally I put my car in reverse and stepped on the gas.  I went backwards and smashed into him.  Then I pulled forward and went backwards a few more times, making sure I destroyed the idiot's headlights!  He starts to get out of his car...

Ok, most of that last paragraph was bologna.  *chuckle*  I did go to Jack in the Box, but the guy behind me was patient, he didn't honk, and I didn't back into him.  But I did get some good food.  And since I was hungry and tired, I ate and went to bed.  That's why I didn't write the blog until tonight.  *chuckle*

Ok, one more day to go with this little exercise.  Tune in tomorrow and see how boring the last day is!  Hooray!

Day #5...The Tire

Ok, for today since it was a work day I slept most of the day like normal.  I did get up a bit early to watch some football, but it really wasn't that good of a game played by two teams I consider mediocre losers.  Anyway, I went to work.  I did remember to take a picture this time on my way inside.

Really pretty?  Just a normal night to me.  So I headed inside and did my dispatch thing.  After work, a bike officer mentioned to me that one of my rear tires looks really low and seems a bit soft.  I check it out, and the tire does look about half flat.  Phooey!  I figure I can stop on the way home and just put some air in it no problem.  I check a few different gas stations, and all of these damned places want $1  for air!  A fucking dollar!  (Yes, I just swore, get over it.)  Finally, I picked one near a car wash where I could get some change and forked over the dollar.  I can't believe you can't get air for free anymore!  Sheesh!

I also end up texting a friend and telling her I think she would look good in a military uniform...one with a skirt.  *chuckle*  She says the skirt would have to be short.  I mention the Air Force skirts came to about the woman's knees.  I'm thinking back while telling her this about a girl named Claudia.  While we were in Texas she did wear the Air Force skirt a few times and always looked great!  I do wish I had a picture of her to show my friend!  (If you actually ever read this Claudia, you should send me a picture of you in the uniform skirt, you looked great!)

I forgot to take a picture of the casino on my way out because I was worrying about the tire.  At least I took one before going in, though!  So now I'll probably pout about paying a dollar for some air for the rest of the morning!

Two more days to go documenting what I do...sort of.  Tune in tomorrow and find out what else I end up having to pay for!  Oy!

Day #4...work day...or night

Today's blog will be short and sweet.  Well, probably not sweet.  I slept all day yesterday and then headed to work.  I had planned to take a picture of the casino after I had parked and was on my way inside.  Instead, I wan't happy, got distracted by stupid drivers and stomped my way inside without taking a picture.  I'll just substitute a picture, how's that?

Whoo!  Look at all the snow!  Look at all...it's still summer, isn't it?  Oh well, pretend it's winter and enjoy the snowy pyramid.  Anyway, I end up spending most of my night sitting in the security "podium."  I hate working there.  Most of my night was pointing towards the bathroom and then listening to people repeat "where?" back at me.  I always want so bad to say, "I'm not sure, I didn't see where I was pointing either!"

I did escape, so to speak, from the booth (Podium, whatever the damn thing is!) for a bit when I was sent down for a "CPR refresher course" where I tried to bring a mannequin back to life by doing CPR on it.  I don't think it worked, but I did pass the class. 

Now I'm going to have a snack and then go to bed so I can wake up early and try to watch some football!  (Actually, I'll probably just keep hitting snooze on the alarm and sleep through most of the football.  But we'll see.)

Ok, tune in again tomorrow to be bored reading about another work night!

Day #3...Did nothing, phooey!

Ok, watch the video if you haven't already.  Yes, all 4:35 of it!  WHAT'S GOING ON?  Not much to write about today, but I loved the video and the song.  The lip synching is great, too!  *chuckle*  I also noticed that you never see "He Man" in the video, only "Prince Adam."  I also loved the cook stirring the pot while these guys are yowling away!  If you actually did watch the whole video, you see the cook again at the very end.  Ok, yes, go back and watch again and I'll wait.

I again stayed on my grave schedule and slept all day.  After getting up, I wanted to do something, but it was a bit late.  At least for shopping and such.  I didn't really get moving until around 7:30 pm.  So I headed out to get some groceries and thought maybe I'd look around a bit, too.  First, I had to deposit a check in the bank.  I figured I'd use the ATM since I hate dealing with people, especially people in a bank!  It's been so long since I've had a check to put in the bank, I figured you still needed an envelope, and had to write your account number on it, and do a whole production like that.  But NO!

After putting my card into the ATM, it tells me to just slide the check in.  That was it.  It then even printed out a deposit receipt with a picture of the check on it for me!  I loved it!  I wish I had more checks to deposit now!  (Hopefully that'll happen soon.)

So I moved on and figured I'd look around in Best Buy.  I love electronic things.  Still trying to save my money until I can build my account up a bit, so I didn't really buy anything.  But it was still neat to look around.

I leave there and head to Walmart for the groceries.  No, you don't get to see a picture of the Walmart, they all look the same.  BUT, I decide to stop and look in this little comic book store nearby!  It's been...well...decades since I've been in a comic book store, I want to buy a few!  I get to the door and see they close at 8pm.  It's 7:57.  Oh well, no comic books then.

Then I bought my groceries and went home.  The only other thing I figured was notable was that I bought some BBQ Corn Nuts.  It's been years since I've had any of those, and they were always good.  So I figured I'd try a few now.  Also stopped at Carl's Jr on the way home and bought a mushroom burger meal.  That's basically a mushroom burger with fries and a drink.  It cost me almost $10!  Sheesh!

You should play the youtube video I have posted while you read the rest of the post.  Then you have some theme music for my day.  *chuckle*  I'll have to do that for tomorrow's post.  I go back to work tomorrow night, so I won't write and post the blog until I come home in the morning.  And no, I won't talk about anything that goes on at work...probably...unless it's something that really pissed me off.  We'll find out, though.  I'll have to find a theme song for how my night at work goes, too.

So it looks like Day #4 won't be up until...I guess the morning of 8/11/11.  Stay tuned, and be bored by how my day (night) went!

Day #2 Something more exciting

Ok, here we are on day two of my blog exercise.  I kept on my graveyard schedule and slept until around 4:30.  I ran a few errands, and then didn't really want to come home and write about how I didn't really do anything.  Who the hell wants to read that?  And this blog is supposed to be about Vegas adventures, isn't it?  (Well, adventures, bitches, my opinions...blah, blah, blah.)

Anyway, I decided to drive to Caesar's Palace.  And, since I haven't been there in a long, long time, I of course got lost.  I could see the casino, but couldn't get to it.  I'm on the wrong side of the freeway, now I'm on the wrong side of town, now I'm going back the wrong way...I almost got frustrated enough to just turn around and go home!  (If I could find my way there...for crying out loud!)

I finally make it into the parking garage and head inside.  I figured I could take some pictures and show off where I was to people who might not have been here before.  Caesar's has been here for decades.  And by decades, I mead DECADES!  It's went through a ton of changes, but they do pretty much still maintain the...feel of the place, I guess you'd say.  I stood in the casino wondering if I could somehow take a little bit of video and see if it actually gave you the feel of being there!  It doesn't.  But take a look anyway:

I took a walk through the casino and found the front desk.  Not really thrilling for me, but if you've seen the movie "The Hangover" this is where they checked into the hotel.

Notice the two little children rolling around on the floor!  I'm sure mommy and daddy are very proud!  Or gambling somewhere not watching their kids...anyway, moving on:

A casino is a casino to me...also since they had security watching the pits, I couldn't get any pictures of the pits.  People betting $100,000 a hand don't like having their picture taken sometimes.  *chuckle* So I moved on to look around at the shops where I could never afford anything.  Not things just a bit out of my price range, but things like this:  A Faberge pendant.  They guy inside looked like he wanted to charge me $100 just for looking at the damned thing!  But I fixed him, I took a picture and am posting it here in my blog!  HA!

Oh, I should stop and eat at Spago!  Hooray, a world famous restaurant, I wonder if Wolfgang is in?  Probably not.  And no, I didn't eat there.  To be honest, eating out near all the people walking around would make me nervous.  I don't want to eat near a bunch of pushing, shoving tourists!

Something a bit more...contemporary would probably suit me better.  Oh, here's one!  Planet Hollywood!  Uh...there is a casino down the street owned by Planet Hollywood, too.  Once again, I'm not going to eat here, too many ignorant tourists (and probably ignorant locals, too.)

Maybe a bar would be better.  I don't drink, but back out in the casino there is a small place called...

Can you read it?  The place is called "numb."  I wonder if the drinks are called numb, too?  

"Hi, I'd like some numb."

"The drinks MAKE you numb, they aren't called numb."

"Oh, I see.  Give me a blue one, it'll look nice when I'm good and numb and throwing it up in the coy pond over near the front desk!"

Back to the shops.  Oh look, here's a nice place!  I'll just get my credit card out and...oh, on second thought, looking at the brand name, I couldn't afford any of this stuff.  And besides, at the moment I don't have a girl to give any of it to.  Although I'm pretty sure if I could afford this stuff, a girl would show up ready to have it given to her.

I keep walking and find a shop that freaks me out so much, I won't go near it.  No one should be allowed to have this many mannequins!  This many is just...spooky!  Can you tell how many in this are mannequins and how many are real people?  Just...creepy!

Ok, I've had about enough of Caesar's and the crowds.  I'm ready to end my little trip to the Strip and head home.  I'll pop a couple more pictures up here before I go, though:

Ok, that's all for today's adventures.  I went somewhere and took some pictures.  Hooray!  Now I think it's time for me to get some "numb" of my own!

Tune in again tomorrow and I'll bore you some more!