Monster Sex

This blog is going to be “R” rated so if you aren’t old enough to talk about sex, you’d better stop reading now.  This blog should only be read by adults.

Ok, hopefully all my three year old readers are now gone.  Let’s talk about sex.  Specifically Monster sex.  Now I’m sure you’re asking yourself “What the hell is he talking about?  What is Monster sex?” If you are asking yourself that, hopefully you’re doing it quietly so people don’t stare.

Monster sex is sex between monsters.  Or sex WITH monsters.  Now when you mention monsters to me I usually think about the king of monsters, Godzilla.

Godzilla having sex would probably destroy a few buildings, but then he does that anyway, doesn't he?  Actually, today I'm going to talk about sex with a monster a little bit smaller.  To tell you the truth I had never really thought about Monster sex myself until recently.  A friend mentioned it and I had thought she was just being silly.  She wasn't.  She was talking about a book.

Actually it's more of a short story than a book as it's only around 3,000 words long.  It's about Monster sex.  That nice lady on the cover is named Rosie Peaks.  And Rosie and her peaks ends up with her car broke down in a swamp.  She gets out and begins to wander around after taking off her expensive shoes and ends up being found by a Swamp Monster.  Once he finds her, cue the cheap 70's porn music!  They end up going at it!  Bow-chick-a-bow-wow!  

This small bit of imagination gave me quite a few smiles!  I've read and reviewed a number of erotic stories before, but nothing like this one.  This one was...fun.  This one was REALLY different!  *chuckle*  This story has phrases like these:

"It came toward me, arms...vines outstretched..."

"There must be laws against this sort of thing."

"A seaweed coated appendage reached up and stroked my cheek..."

I love those lines!  And the rest of the story is just as entertaining!  This was something new and fun for me!  Every so often I make a video called "Bob's Books" and talk about a book I like.  I absolutely HAD to make a video for this story!  It cried out for a video!  And of course, I had to make the video while wearing a hockey mask.  *chuckle*

Now if I were still young enough to play with dolls, I’m sure this would have inspired me to find a Swamp Thing action figure.  Can you imagine this coming over to Barbie’s Dream House for a tea party?

"Baaaaaaarrrrrbieee!, Daddy's home!"  Time to test out that new Barbie bed!  After a round or two on some of Barbie's lawn furniture before also trying out the bed, everyone is happy.  *chuckle*  And then nine months later Barbie has a son who grows up to look like this:

Anyway, back to the story Banged In The Bayou.  As you can see it got my imagination racing.  *chuckle*  It was a fun story and at the end Barbie...oops, I mean Rosie Peaks lives happily ever after.  It's only 99 cents on the Kindle, or Nook, or where ever you want to read it and well worth that small amount.  But you'd better hurry if you want to take a look though, I've been told by the author that she's going to rewrite everything and make the story longer now!  You'd better pick it up while you still can!  

So click on any of the links I'll put down below and you can find this fantastic story!  Meanwhile, I'll see if I can get the author to maybe do an interview with me.  I'd love to ask a few Monster Sex questions!  *chuckle*  And we can maybe even convince her to talk about other books she's written.  You know how hard it is to get an author to talk about their books.  *chuckle*  Anyway, visit the links and have some fun!

Banged In The Bayou on the Kindle.

Banged In The Bayou on the Nook.

Out On Top

Bob’s Books: Out On Top by: Steve Morris

There are books and then there are books.  If you look on any “bestseller” list in the world you’ll usually find books that were published by some huge publisher with an enormous advertising budget written by (or ghost written for) some celebrity.  But the people just reading these books are missing out.  There are some really incredible books out there written by fantastically talented writers who don’t get much notice.  Well today I’m going to do what I can by telling you about a book by one of my favorite authors!

Out On Top is a book of short stories by author Steve Morris.  He has published two other books full of short stories called In All Probability and Jumble Tales.  Steve’s stories always seemed to have some kind of twist to the ending.  I loved reading his stuff!  Now with Out On Top the stories have good endings.  Don’t get me wrong, there are still some dark themes here, but the main characters in these stories always come Out On Top in the end. 

Though the stories may have good endings, they aren’t your typical “feel good” type of thing.  The stories range from a man who can see into other people’s past and know their dark secrets, to another man who has stalked a girl he had feelings for decades before in high school and plans a “surprise” meeting with her, to a story about a two headed puppy.  I have two favorite stories in the book, the story about the two headed puppy called Better Than One (The puppy’s heads were named Holmes and Watson.  *chuckle*).  The puppy story needs to be read and not described.  My second favorite story though, is called Score To Settle. 

Score To Settle is a story about a lower league English Soccer player who is in the late stages of his career.  Sadly, his wife had cheated with another soccer player who is also in the late stages of his career.  During a match where the two teams play, the man decides to get physical revenge on the other man who had cheated with his wife.  He’s looking to take this guy out and more than likely end his walking around.  A very good story with tension right up to what happens at the end.  Does it have a good ending?  Of course it does!  The main character comes Out On Top, but in a way I hadn’t seen coming.  It was a fantastic story that really made me smile.  It ranks as one of the best sports stories I’ve ever read.

     All the stories in Out On Top were well written and once you start reading one, you want to see it to the end to find out what happens.  Even after finishing one story, I was anxious to start the next one.  Steve has a writing style that almost seems musical to me.  He does such a great job describing everything in his stories.

Now would be a good time to put up an excerpt one story to get you interested.  Instead, I think I’ll post the link to the Bob’s Books episode and you can listen to me read an excerpt from Score To Settle.  Once you’re hooked, pick the book up yourself to find out what happens!

When you're ready to help support this great author, follow the link below and order a copy of this great book!  (Click and paste if you have to!  Sometimes Blogger wants to be troublesome.  *chuckle*)

http://www.amazon.com/Out-Top-Collection-Upbeat-Stories-ebook/dp/B00IQ8PF44/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1398048668&sr=8-1&keywords=steve+Morris+out+on+top

Free Book Time

Free Books

I've written a number of books in my time and the first few weren't really my best work.  But you live and learn.  The more I've written, the more I've learned.  My early books are still out there, though.  They may not be best sellers, but I learned from them.  And believe me, they're original!  I have a couple self published books that are Las Vegas related and now Amazon is giving me the opportunity to make them free on the Kindle for a limited time.  That's not a bad idea.  One way to get your books read is to offer them for free.  

The first book I'm going to offer up for free is called Terminating Vegas.  The story is about a guy named Sam who has a job as a security officer at a Las Vegas casino.  He hits the lottery and wins a few million dollars and decides that instead of quitting, he wants to be fired from his job.  This book will be available for free on the Kindle from November 11th to November 15th.  That will be tomorrow (Monday) through Next Friday.  So feel free to download a copy and take a look.  

This book also has a foreword by author Steve Morris.  After having him read the book I asked him if he would mind writing a foreword and he was gracious enough to agree!  It meant a lot to me.  So take a look at the book tomorrow and see what you think.  In case you'd like to read a bit ahead of time, here's a quick excerpt:

James was standing near the lounge listening to the band.  A large man walked up and positioned himself almost nose to nose with him.  “Hi,” the man yelled.

“Uh, hi.” James answered.  He took a step back, but the man stepped forward again right up next to him.

“Hey…uh…can you give me a little space, please?”

The man stayed next to him.  “Are you James Wilcox?”

“Yes, who are you?”

The man didn’t answer.  He stood staring at James, still nose to nose with him.

“Look, you need to back off and give me some space, ok?”

The man still stood his ground.  James took several steps away.  Before the man could step up on him again, James held out his hand.

“What is this all about?  What do you want?”

“I don’t want anything.”

“Uh, ok.  Then you have a nice night.”

James started to walk away into the casino and noticed the man following him.  He walked through the pits and into a nearby bathroom.  The man followed him inside and stood nearby, staring at him.  This man was making him uneasy.  James left the bathroom and the man followed along.

“Ok, why are you following me?”

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are!  You followed me into the bathroom!”

“So?”

“So stop it!  I don’t like to be followed!”

The man stared silently at him.

“Are you a guest in this hotel?”

“Yes.”

“What room are you staying in?”

“The one upstairs.”

“What’s your room number?”  James demanded.

“It’s upstairs.” 

Do have some ID on you?”

“Yes.”

“Well can I see it?”

“Only if I pull it out of my wallet.”

James pushed the button on his radio and asked for a uniformed officer to be sent to his location.  An officer named Andy arrived.

“Check his ID, find out what room he’s staying in, if he’s even a guest, and then give him a warning about following people!”  James said, pointing at the man.

“Sir, do you have some ID on you?”  Andy asked nicely.

James began to walk away.  The man ignored Andy and followed James through the casino.

“Sir…sir!  Sir, I need to see some ID!”  Andy said, following the two men.

The guy following James is pretty annoying.  He's someone Sam hired to harass his supervisors.  This book is pretty irreverent and I had written it to let off steam wishing I could really do the things the main character does in the book.  It's probably not a good idea to read if you're easily offended.  But it will be free for a limited time!

A couple more books may be free for a limited time soon, so keep your eyes peeled!  

Writing a Book

NaNoWriMo

Have you ever wanted to write a book?  Well, now there's really nothing stopping you!  If you have a computer, or at least a library card, you can get started right now!  If you don't have a computer at home, use your library card to reserve some computer time at your nearby library.  They should have everything you'll need and you'll be surrounded by books to boot!  Great inspiration!

What I'm going to go over will apply if you want to write your novel and submit it to a publisher, or if you want to self publish your work.  Both are equally viable options.  I've done both.  I have books published with Secret Cravings Publishing such as A Writer's Love Story...

And my self published novel Frigate: November...

A Writer's Love Story was professionally edited and formatted, Frigate wasn't edited at all and was formatted by me.  I had to learn the hard way how to format a book for the Kindle.  When I first uploaded Frigate to the Kindle store it was unreadable.  I had no idea the book wasn't formatted correctly, it came out fine as a paperback.  I don't feel too badly because when I first uploaded Frigate the Kindle was just becoming popular and no one seemed to know what they were doing with uploads.  Some of the major publishers had uploaded unreadable files just like I had.  They eventually dedicated entire departments to formatting their books for the Kindle.  But I did figure out what was wrong with my book's format and fixed it.  I had to go through over 120,000 words to fix everything, and it took me a long time, but it does now look ok on a Kindle.  And now I'm ready to teach other people how to format.

So what was wrong with my formatting?  And what did I have to go back and fix?  Well, I'm going to make a few videos as we get near November and show you exactly how to get started so you'll have everything formatted correctly as you go.  For now I'm working on a small laptop while my PC is in the shop, but I should have it back soon and then I'll get started on the videos.  

For now, I've made this simple little introduction video.  Be sure to check out the quick looks at two of my self published books in the upper left hand corner of the video.  For now, think about what you'd like to write about, or even dust off an old story you've had in your closet since high school, and we'll get started learning how to get moving in the publishing world!

Vampire time: A visit with author Katie Salidas

Vampires

Well, we're almost to the end of September and Halloween will be coming soon.  October is always a fun month and for today's blog I thought I would highlight one of my author friends who writes about vampires.  She's created a whole world and written a series called Immortalis.  I've really enjoyed Katie's books and think her series is really good.  Before we see Katie's interview though, take a look at this if you have a Kindle.  The first book in her series is free for the Kindle.  Yes, I just said FREE!  So if you like vampires at all, give her first book a look, you won't regret it:

So now that I've put up a link to her first Immortalis book, let's have a chat with Katie!

How long did your first book take to write?

The first book (Immortalis Carpe Noctem) was 5 years from first word to published. That was the longest, hardest book to write. The rest of the series sort of grew up around it as if it wanted to be written. I loved how easy the other books came to me. There are 6 total in my Immortalis series. 

How did you get into self publishing?

After submitting books and waiting endless hours for responses, and not to mention seeing other authors publishing their work all around me, I decided to dip my toes into the waters of Self-Publishing. I have to say I am really happy that I made the decision to take the plunge and go it alone. I have learned so much about the process as well as enjoyed a very personal one-to-one relationship with my readers. I often ask them what they want to see in my next book as well as to let me know if they find any mistakes I can correct in already published works. 

How long had your first book been published before you started writing the second book in the series?

I started writing book 2 (Hunters & Prey) almost immediately. It was published around 6 months later.

Do you ever get negative feedback about the way you portray your vampires and werewolves?

I’ve had some negative and some positive. All opinions are valid and welcome. You’re free to love or hate my work (as long as you read it.) and I take  feedback very seriously when continuing on with the series.

You have quite a series going with Immortalis.  How many books total are in the series, including the spin offs?

6 total books. 4 featuring the Main character, Alyssa. Then 2 of them (in the same linear time line) focusing on secondary charccters. These were written at reader request. 

If I were to ask you which Immortalis book was your favorite, do you even have a favorite?

Oh no. I can’t pick a favorite. I love them all in their own special ways. It’s like asking a mother to pick a favorite child. Just not a possibility. 

Promotion is a really tough part of being a writer.  Is it ever difficult for you when you do book signings, or things like that?  I’ve been to a couple of your signings and you always seemed very charismatic to me.

Something most people don’t know about me… I’m an introvert. The biggest roadblock for me is actually being at the signing and smiling and chatting people up. I am so shy and so reserved, it takes all I have to be able to do it. But, I do. That’s the hardest thing for me. Just doing it! 

Do you have more fun writing the good guys, or the bad guys?

I love writing the fights between good and bad. I love the anger, the feelings, the good vs. evil. That’s the most fun. Good without evil is boring as is the opposite. 

What inspired you to write the book Go Publish Yourself?

Go Publish Yourself came about because my editor suggested it. She had lots of questions about what I do and how I do it and after a series of “How To” blog posts, Go Publish Yourself was born. 

You also have a series called Consummate Therapy which you co-author with Willsin Rowe.  How did you get involved in this project with Willsin?

Willsin and I have worked together for years. He is my cover artist, blogging buddy, and critique partner. It was almost natural progression that we decided to write something fun together. And the reception has been wonderful. 

Can you tell us about your experience writing with Willsin?

Willsin and I have worked together for so long that we have an almost intuition about what the other will say/do. Even before working together on a project we have offered each other “sounding board” type of creative help. That said, writing with him has really been effortless. And, not to mention, fun!

With Willsin living in Australia and you in America, how did you two meet?  And how did you get started writing together?

Willsin and I met on a blog called Coffee Fueled Erotica. We were blogger buddies first and a friendship bloomed. In today’s internet age, distance really isn’t much of a factor anymore. We’re as close as an email away. 

How did the two of you come up with the Consummate Therapy series?

It started with an idea I had about a character. A type A control freak in need of a little stress relief. I took this character, Natasha, to Willsin and he helped me shape the nature of the stress relief. This was inspired a bit by the 50 shades craze. 

Are you working on anything at the moment, or just taking it easy and enjoying a bit of peace before your next writing project?

I’m working on a super secret story at the moment. Can’t give to many details at the moment, but I do hope to have it ready by early next year

Ok, that was my short little interview with author Katie Salidas!  Someday maybe I'll get the chance to do a video interview with her.  Not quite possible at the moment, but you never know what the future holds!  (Katie is one of my writing heroes being a successful independent author!)

Katie has so many books out that it would take a while for me to put the links to them all on the blog.  So I'll post her Amazon profile page and from there you can get to all of her books!  Just click on her name below and you'll be on your way to some great reading!

Katie Salidas

Also make sure you visit the site Written in Blood to see what Katie is up to at the moment! (You may have to copy and paste the link below for that.)  Many thanks to Katie for being my blog guest today!

http://www.katiesalidas.com

Day #7...End of the week.

Ok, I'm aggravated.  Well, kind of aggravated.  Long, stupid night at work last night.  I won't even go into what went on in that evil, little pyramid!  (Yes, little.  Check out the dimensions of one of the pyramids in Egypt sometime!)

But my work week, and blog week is over!  This is the last blog of the exercise!  Now I can go back to writing sarcastic remarks about tourists who run around in their underwear with no ID!  Hooray!

A friend named Kallypso Masters just self published a book called Masters at Arms.  It's the first book of a series she's writing.  She has it out for only 99 cents on the Kindle!  99 CENTS, people!  You can spare a penny less than a buck, can't you?  I did.  And I might even read the book soon!  *chuckle*  Ok, yes, I will read and review her book.  First, I need to finish the current book I'm reading.  It's just a few pages shorter than War and Peace.  I've been working on this one for something like three months now, I'll be the author thinks I took the book, but wasn't going to do a review!  I will, though.  It's just taking me forever to get through his book.

Anyway, go to Amazon and buy Masters at Arms for your Kindle.  And if you don't have a Kindle...well...but one anyway, it's less than a dollar for crying out loud!  *chuckle*  And thus ends my week of blogs, and my commercial for Masters at Arms.

Also go and buy my books!  *chuckle*