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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Natural Selection

     Natural selection is nature's way of weeding out the weak and unfit.  Mankind has decided to overcome that.  It seems that we've decided that we want to protect the weakest, and dumbest of our species.  Men won't evolve anymore because we choose to hold ourselves back.  And of course, I have a few examples of this for you:

     The first one is a story I tell all the time in person.  I even think it's somewhere in my blog book, "Vegas Ramblings."  The worst part about this story is that it's actually true.  One night while working casino security I was sent up to a room for a medical emergency.  I was told to hustle because someone in the room was having an allergic reaction to something, and I needed to try and help.  So I head up to the room and sure enough, there is a guy with no shirt on, he's covered with hives, his face is swelling, and his throat is closing up on him.  He's dying right in front of me!  I call for the paramedics, and try to give him some oxygen.  He keeps pushing the mask away.  I honestly don't know what I can do for the guy except to hope the paramedics arrive soon.  I was going to post a picture, but the pictures I found grossed me out, and I decided not to put one up.

     Eventually, the paramedics did arrive and gave him some kind of hypo allergenic shot.  He starts to come back to normal, the hives start to go away, and his throat opens back up.  As he's recovering, the paramedics start asking the normal questions.

"Are you allergic to anything?"

"I'm allergic to shellfish."

"Do you think you might have had anything to eat lately that might have had some shellfish in it?"

"Oh yeah!  We just came back from a restaurant and I ate a whole bunch of oysters."

     The paramedic can't believe this.  I can't either.  If he was allergic, why would he eat something he was allergic to?  The paramedic can't resist and asks him why.

"If you're allergic to shellfish, why would you go out and eat a bunch of it?"

"Well this is Vegas, right?  It doesn't count here, does it?"

     He actually said that.  Somehow, this rocket scientist thought that Las Vegas was some kind of negative zone where you can do anything, even eat something you're allergic to.  Now do you think this would have ended the same way in the animal kingdom?  A fox comes up on a rabbit who has eaten something he's allergic to.  Would the fox save the rabbit?  No, he waits til the rabbit dies, and then eats him.  Not that I think we should have eaten that moron, but did he really need to be saved so that he can run out onto the freeway when he's drunk later, thinking he can't be hit by a car because this is Vegas?  Natural selection would have erased that guy.  But no, we saved him.  Neato.

     Take a look online.  There are a ton of people who wouldn't survive in real natural selection.  Here's a sharp one for you:

     It's a bit hard to see, but he's lighting a firecracker being held between his teeth.  He's really safe because he has goggles on.  That will protect his eyes so after the firecracker goes off he'll still be able to find his teeth and jaw on the floor...maybe.  You never see an animal do something like this.  Do you know why?  BECAUSE IT'S STUPID!  Do you really need a lot of sense to realize putting a firecracker in your mouth is stupid?  I hope he has fun eating his food through a tube later.

     Another fun trick is to film yourself getting kicked in the gonads, and then put the video up on youtube.  Some people actually think that will make them a celebrity.

     This is really healthy, right?  Apparently they don't understand how stupid they look.  And how many times I wonder, has someone ruptured something doing this, and then had to go to the hospital?

"It's ok though nurse, I'm on youtube now!"

     I guess the point I'm trying to make is that maybe we should let Mother Nature take over for a bit.  Maybe if we quit protecting and celebrating stupidity, mankind could evolve and move on?  Or, maybe we're just petty, dense, ignorant cavemen still?  It makes you wonder if the dinosaurs were actually wiped out because they were too dumb to survive.  Maybe we're next?

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