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Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Starbuck's, Caffeine, and Chocolate

Yes, today I’m going to write about Starbuck’s.  I’m stunned by this place.  Or should I say these places.  They’re everywhere.  I don’t think you can walk two blocks in any city without seeing a Starbuck’s.  Now I’m not knocking the place, because I don’t think I’ve ever bought anything from there.  But it just kills me that a place as expensive as this one is has become this popular!

If you go to a Starbuck’s on any morning, you’ll usually find a line of people.  And they’re there to pay about $8 for a cup of coffee.  But it goes beyond coffee.  Oh yes, the “Yuppies” love Starbuck’s and if you wait in line you’ll hear people ordering their favorite Cappo-half-caff-mocha-crème-dutch-chocolate-large or something like that.  It’s like some kind of modern day code that only these people understand.  And they pay through the ass for whatever they’re ordering. 

“Ok sir, you’ve ordered a Double chocolate chip crème Frappuccino.  What size would you like that to be?”

(By the way, that’s a real drink.  I stole the words right off the online menu!)

What size?  The title of this drink nearly gives me diabetes!  Is there a coffee size?  Believe it or not, the sizes they have listed are “Tall, Grande, and Venti Ice”.  What the hell measurement is “Venti Ice”?  It says 24oz next to it, but maybe a Venti Ice measurement to me is 28oz.  Beyond that, who needs 24oz of chocolate, crème, and caffeine all at one time?  The people drinking these are the ones running around offices screaming at the top of their lungs and gurgling out words that make no sense!

“Uh…Mr. Smith, what was the address for the Clark account?”

“GAAAAAGggogglaadjmoouuouie!  Frappuccino!”

You can’t tell me this drink is safe or good for human consumption.  And you’re not only putting all of this stuff into your body, you’re paying through the ass to do it!

Starbuck’s has a “Kid’s drinks” menu.  I clicked on that and found “Freshly Brewed Coffee”.  So before dropping your kindergartener off at school in the mornings, hit Starbuck’s and get him a nice steaming cup of Joe! 

Ok yes, being realistic a kindergartener isn’t going to like, or drink coffee.  But I’ll bet you they’ll drink a Double chocolate chip crème Frappuccino!  Make sure there’s extra caffeine, too!  REALLY jack the kid up before dropping him or her off at school!  If there’s one thing teachers love, it’s a caffeinated six year old!

(Ok, for the record, teachers do not like caffeinated and jacked up children and I’m not actually telling you to get a child all sugared and caffeinated up before sending him to torture a poor teacher!  I’m sure parents wouldn’t like it much if a teacher passed out these drinks before sending the children home after school.  HAHAHAHAHAHA, as if a teacher could afford anything at a Starbuck’s on their salary, let alone buy stuff for a whole class!  They’d probably rather buy a car, or boat, or something like that!)

Starbuck’s also sells some food.  How about some Classic Whole-Grain Oatmeal?  It’s has “rolled and steel-cut oats” among other things.  I thought you fed oats to horses and cows and livestock like that.  I HATE oatmeal and don’t think I want to be eating oats, either!  YUCK!  I won’t even try that with my Chocolate chip caffeine Frappuccino thing. (That drink is actually starting to sound pretty good.  I do like chocolate…)

Starbuck’s is getting a lot of attention today because they’re rolling out a new drink.  I have no idea what the new drink is because I didn’t pay that much attention to what the lady on the radio was saying, but it’s some kind of new thing that everyone will now have to have.  If you go to order whatever this is, make sure you get Venti Ice size.  It’ll probably be about $15, but what the hell, right? 

Thinking back, I actually have bought something at a Starbuck’s before.  It wasn’t a drink though, I bought a $10 gift card and offered it up as a prize along with one of my books for someone commenting on some post or something I did on Facebook.  I put the nice little gift card inside the book as a bookmark.  A LOT of people commented if I remember right.  Sadly, I think they were all looking forward to the gift card more than they were looking forward to reading my book!  Wow, authors will sink pretty low to get one of their books out there!  *chuckle*

I do think I’m going to have to try one of the chocolate chip Frappuccino things.  I don’t want to go alone, though.  I’ll have to grab my niece and take her along with me.  I know she does occasionally read my blogs and will see this so I’m sure she’ll remind me.  *chuckle*

Ok, time to end this while I take time to converse with my niece and find out how much trouble I’m in for mentioning her in my blog.  *chuckle*  Actually…if you go to this link you can read a blog where I interviewed her!

That blog post actually has 369 views!  *chuckle*  I guess people want to know about Tiffany!  I’ll have to see if she’ll agree to do another interview with me since the last interview was when she was still in high school, I think.  Now that she’s a college woman I think we should find out all about how things are in college today and exactly what her thoughts on Starbucks are!  Until tomorrow, toodles.

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