Biting the Brits

English Football Rules

 

I'm currently interested in English football.  I've even started a short weekly show on Youtube called English Football Chat with Robert.  Most of the time I have no idea what I'm really talking about because I CAN'T WATCH MOST OF THE DAMNED MATCHES!  I used to have a soccer channel with the satellite TV company I use, but the channel was removed last week.  How the hell do you just remove a sports channel?  Thanks a lot Directv!

Anyway, I'm not as familiar with the rules of professional English football as I'd like to be, but I'm pretty sure there is a rule against biting other players.  You would think you wouldn't have to make up a rule like that for a game where the object is to kick a ball into your opponent's net, but apparently you do!  Why would you even consider biting another player?  Who runs around biting other people, let alone other athletes?  Time to not only check for performance enhancing drugs, now players may need to be checked for rabies.

I'm sure I sound like I'm rambling on here.  So let's go back a bit and I'll explain all of this...if I can.  There is a player on the Liverpool team named Luis Suarez.  And Suarez decided that it would be a good idea to bite a player on a the Chelsea team during a match.  I didn't get to see any footage of this incident, but I guess it's not unusual for this guy to do things like that.  AND THIS APPARENTLY ISN'T THE FIRST TIME HE'S BIT A GUY!  I guess he's bit another player on team PSV, too!  What the hell?  Aaaaaaaaaand, roll the crazy footage!

Didn't see Suarez bite the Chelsea player in the video?  Neither did I.  So let's find a picture of what happened!

Nice, huh?  It's great to see that it's not just American athletes that are crazy sometimes!  That's Branislav Ivanovic in the blue.  I wonder what was going through Branislav's mind right at that moment?  Maybe Get the hell off me you piece of s##t?

I did get to watch Liverpool play Manchester United the other day.  It was on some American NBC channel.  And I really enjoyed the match.  Liverpool did fine without Suarez.  He can't play because he's serving an 8 match ban for biting Branislav.  I've read that he's actually upset about the suspension.  I guess he feels it's appropriate to bit people while kicking a soccer ball.  Anyway, while I was watching the match between Liverpool and Manchester United they showed Suarez sitting up in some luxury box next to a blonde.  I guess she's his wife?  I immediately began yelling at the TV screen "GET AWAY FROM HIM, HE BITES!"  (You know, kind of how you yell at characters in a horror movie sometimes?  Don't pretend you don't know, everyone does it!)

It figures, the crazy guy gets the blonde.  I wonder if he leaned over and bit her after this picture was taken?  He's from Uruguay.  The likelihood of my ever actually going to that country was pretty small, but after seeing how nuts Suarez is, I surely won't go there now!  All the rest of the Uruguayans might be like him!  You get off a plane and some idiot bites you to say hello!  Ok, that's probably not true and I shouldn't judge Uruguay just because some moron is from there.

My advice to Liverpool:  Ditch Suarez.  Send him off to some other club willing to throw you a lot of money.  He may be a good player, but in my opinion he's not worth the crazy.  Liverpool beat Manchester United without him and no one was bitten, (At least no one on the pitch.) so who needs him?  Just be rid of him and as for Chelsea, can someone please get Branislav some ice?