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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Getting Tebowed

Getting Tebowed

Yes, I'm back to blogging again.  And now I've been "Tebowed".  What is getting Tebowed you may ask?  It's falling for this goofball athlete and thinking he can actually play football!  He was just cut by the New England Patriots and I picked him up.  *sigh*  Ok, let me start from the beginning.  I don't really have anything to do with pro football (American football, that is) or the NFL.  But what I do have is a video game called Madden 25.
Now in the video game you can play something called "Owner Mode".  In owner mode you get to be the owner of one or more NFL football teams.  I chose to be the owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars.  And as the owner, I'm moving them the hell out of Florida!  Why?  Because I damned well want to and I'm the owner!  (I'm sure in real life there would be lawyers everywhere screaming at me and telling me that I can't move the team because of all kinds of stupid reasons.  But in the game, I can move the team.)
As the owner you manage the team's money.  You can set the prices for everything from a bag of chips sold at your home stadium to how much you want to charge for certain players NFL jerseys.  I don't think I can raise the parking prices because I DON'T THINK THERE IS ANYWERE TO PARK AT THE STUPID JACKSONVILLE STADIUM!  Wait...I'm...ok, I'm not sure about that, I'll have to check.  But if there is parking, I can set the prices for it.  I have to play one last season in Jacksonville before I'm allowed to move the team to another city, too.  See the early games because if I have a losing season, the chips at the last home game will be about $25! 
And you manage what players you want to play where.  And so, thinking I would be pretty slick, I traded a quarterback named Chad Henne and a third round draft pick to New England for Tim Tebow.  I figured even if he sucks, I can still sell a few Jacksonville jerseys with Tebow's name on the back.  That should work, right?  He's pretty popular, right?  WRONG!  The stupid game wouldn't let me set any prices for Tebow jerseys!  Damn it!  Maybe after the preseason?  Maybe the game figures I'll cut him after I figure out how bad he really is?  Ohhhh...ohhhh no you don't!  I traded for this idiot, he's going to stay!  He's going to the new city with us even if he drags us down!

And sadly, there is a video series about this.  I don't whine and bitch about how bad Tebow is, but I do show how things go with the games they play and how I'm preparing to move the team.  Where will they be moving?  I guess you'll have to watch Youtube to find that out.  I would have LOVED to move the team to Houston and bring back the Houston Oilers, that was an actual option.  But as an owner, I want money.  And in order to get money, you have to go with what's popular.  (Those Tebow jerseys damned well better sell!)  Bringing back the Oilers to Houston wasn't a popular option, so that didn't happen.
But take a look at what did happen.  Here's the first video in the series, Moving the Jags.  Take a look and hopefully you'll get hooked enough to watch the rest of the series.  Tebow gets picked up before the second game, so you won't see him in this first video.  But he's with us!  Make no mistake, I'm dragging him along!


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