Monster Sex

This blog is going to be “R” rated so if you aren’t old enough to talk about sex, you’d better stop reading now.  This blog should only be read by adults.

Ok, hopefully all my three year old readers are now gone.  Let’s talk about sex.  Specifically Monster sex.  Now I’m sure you’re asking yourself “What the hell is he talking about?  What is Monster sex?” If you are asking yourself that, hopefully you’re doing it quietly so people don’t stare.

Monster sex is sex between monsters.  Or sex WITH monsters.  Now when you mention monsters to me I usually think about the king of monsters, Godzilla.

Godzilla having sex would probably destroy a few buildings, but then he does that anyway, doesn't he?  Actually, today I'm going to talk about sex with a monster a little bit smaller.  To tell you the truth I had never really thought about Monster sex myself until recently.  A friend mentioned it and I had thought she was just being silly.  She wasn't.  She was talking about a book.

Actually it's more of a short story than a book as it's only around 3,000 words long.  It's about Monster sex.  That nice lady on the cover is named Rosie Peaks.  And Rosie and her peaks ends up with her car broke down in a swamp.  She gets out and begins to wander around after taking off her expensive shoes and ends up being found by a Swamp Monster.  Once he finds her, cue the cheap 70's porn music!  They end up going at it!  Bow-chick-a-bow-wow!  

This small bit of imagination gave me quite a few smiles!  I've read and reviewed a number of erotic stories before, but nothing like this one.  This one was...fun.  This one was REALLY different!  *chuckle*  This story has phrases like these:

"It came toward me, arms...vines outstretched..."

"There must be laws against this sort of thing."

"A seaweed coated appendage reached up and stroked my cheek..."

I love those lines!  And the rest of the story is just as entertaining!  This was something new and fun for me!  Every so often I make a video called "Bob's Books" and talk about a book I like.  I absolutely HAD to make a video for this story!  It cried out for a video!  And of course, I had to make the video while wearing a hockey mask.  *chuckle*

Now if I were still young enough to play with dolls, I’m sure this would have inspired me to find a Swamp Thing action figure.  Can you imagine this coming over to Barbie’s Dream House for a tea party?

"Baaaaaaarrrrrbieee!, Daddy's home!"  Time to test out that new Barbie bed!  After a round or two on some of Barbie's lawn furniture before also trying out the bed, everyone is happy.  *chuckle*  And then nine months later Barbie has a son who grows up to look like this:

Anyway, back to the story Banged In The Bayou.  As you can see it got my imagination racing.  *chuckle*  It was a fun story and at the end Barbie...oops, I mean Rosie Peaks lives happily ever after.  It's only 99 cents on the Kindle, or Nook, or where ever you want to read it and well worth that small amount.  But you'd better hurry if you want to take a look though, I've been told by the author that she's going to rewrite everything and make the story longer now!  You'd better pick it up while you still can!  

So click on any of the links I'll put down below and you can find this fantastic story!  Meanwhile, I'll see if I can get the author to maybe do an interview with me.  I'd love to ask a few Monster Sex questions!  *chuckle*  And we can maybe even convince her to talk about other books she's written.  You know how hard it is to get an author to talk about their books.  *chuckle*  Anyway, visit the links and have some fun!

Banged In The Bayou on the Kindle.

Banged In The Bayou on the Nook.

The Ugly Pageant

The Ugly Pageant

Meet Miss Delaware, Amanda Longacre.

Actually, Amanda is no longer Miss Delaware.  The title was taken away from her along with her college scholarships and given to the "first runner up" because the pageant stated Amanda was "too old".  How old is she?  Well, she's an ancient 24 years old.  So the title was ripped away from her and given to Brittany Lewis who is a young 24 years old.  Does this sound wrong somehow?  Does it sound crooked, maybe?  Well let's make it sound even more crooked.

When the crown was then given to Brittany Lewis at the Dover Downs hotel and casino, they had a brief ceremony and then announced, "No questions!"  So obviously we can't ask things like why they would disqualify a woman based on her age and then give the title to another woman who is the same age.  Their reasoning is supposedly about the month when Amanda's birthday falls.  She had provided this information over and over and over and over before entering the pageant, but that doesn't seem to matter.  All that matters is the crown now belongs to someone else and no questions can be asked.

Amanda may have put her education on hold to enter this pageant and may have spent money and sacrificed and done quite a few things to earn this title, but that's just too bad.  NO QUESTIONS!  Does it seem funny that the new "ceremony" where the crown and sash were handed over to another woman was held in a casino?  Oh sorry, that was a question.  Will there be an investigation as to what really happened?  Who will be investigating?  Whoops, there are more questions.  And no questions are allowed.  Well, that's not actually true, questions are allowed, they just won't be answered.

I've watched a guy who showed up late every day for work and slept on duty get an award for "employee of the month".  No questions were allowed about that kind of thing either.  I did try asking why he deserved the award and was told "Because he does a good job!"  A good job of what, checking the inside of his eyelids for pin holes?

So what this comes down to is favoritism.  Amanda Longacre won the Miss Delaware Pageant fair and square, but the win was taken away from her and given to someone else more than likely because of favoritism.  I'm sure Brittany Lewis either knew someone, or did a favor for somebody, or maybe she wasn't involved at all.  Maybe someone she knew did a few favors?

Now attorneys have to be involved.  Everyone will sue everyone else because that's the American way!  More than likely nothing will be resolved and no one will ever find out the real reason the Miss Delaware title was taken away from Amanda.  How sad for any honest people who live in Delaware because now it looks like one really corrupt place!

World Cup Football Without Rules

No Rules Football

I’ve been watching a bit of the FIFA World Cup this year and to be honest, it really hasn’t lived up to what I thought it would be.  Firstly, I thought England would do a whole lot better than they did.  There were quite a few of their players who didn’t much seem to care.  They ran around and kicked the ball, but it looked like it was just another paycheck to them.  Win, lose, they didn’t seem to care.  With how important football is in England, they should be ashamed to go back home after the performance they put on!

One of today’s matches had England playing Costa Rica.  The match ended in a 0-0 tie and England didn’t even field most of their “starters” if you can call them that.  I guess they needed rest before the English football season which starts in August by the way.  They needed to rest up to collect the millions of pounds they’ll be paid to play back in England.  If you are a captain of your country’s international squad, you should be out there on the pitch leading your team for EVERY SINGLE MATCH!  If you have the attitude that since your team won’t be advancing in the tournament you don’t need to play anymore, then you don’t deserve the title of captain.  Steven Gerrard lost a lot of the respect I had for him when I saw him sitting on the bench looking like he didn’t care at all.  

But let’s move beyond England for now.  A while ago I wrote a blog about a scumbag named Luis Suarez.  Suarez thinks he’s some kind of wild animal and likes to bite other players.  Here’s the link to the first blog post I wrote about him in case you missed it the first time:

Biting the Brits

This idiot is from Uruguay and is playing in the FIFA World Cup for the Uruguayan national team.  While playing in the English Premier League he has bitten a player on PSV and a player on Chelsea.  And I’m sure you’re going to know what’s coming now, yes he bit a player on the Italian National Team during the World Cup.  He sank his teeth in deep and from the teeth marks it looks like he tried to take a good sized chunk out of Italian player Giorgio Chiellini.  The match referee didn’t even bother to call that a foul!  What’s worse, biting another player, or being a referee and thinking that’s a legal thing to do?  Chiellini even pulled his shirt down trying to show the teeth marks to the referee, but the ref didn’t care.  Maybe Chiellini should have bit the referee?  If it was legal for Suarez, then it should have been legal for Chiellini, too!

It wasn’t enough for Suarez to bite Chiellini, Suarez then began to pretended that his mouth had been fouled by Chiellini’s shoulder.  He held his teeth and played the wounded player begging for a free kick.

Oh no, did that hurt poor Suarez’s teeth?  FIFA says they are going to “investigate” the matter.  I guess the teeth marks in Chiellini’s shoulder weren’t enough proof.  A two game suspension sounds insane to me.  So what does it take to get thrown out of professional football in England or the World Cup for that matter?  How many people does this rotten idiot need to bite?  He is so lucky that the Italian players showed a lot of restraint.

Now is Suarez really the kind of player you want representing your country?  In two years will people remember how far Uruguay got in this year’s World Cup?  No, they’ll remember that Suarez bit another player.

Here’s a picture of Mario Balotelli:

Mario is playing for the Italian National team in this year’s World Cup.  Mario is known as a rough and brutal player.  He’ll head butt you, kick you, push you and really rough you up, but he DOESN’T BITE PEOPLE!   He may be even considered a dirty player occasionally and supposedly has a troubled off field life, but he DOESN’T BITE PEOPLE!  Hell, last season Balotelli got a yellow card AFTER A MATCH WAS OVER and as it was his second card of the match, he was suspended for three games because of “intimidating and insulting remarks addressed to the referee”.  This guy can be such a problem that he gets penalties for his behavior even off the pitch!  Take a look at the article:

Mario Balotelli Suspended for Three Matches after Sending Off

My point is why is Suarez getting off for the third time biting another player?  No yellow card, no red card, nothing.  Nothing would make my day better than to see another player punch Suarez in the mouth several times during a match.  And personally, I think it should be a team’s captain who does that.  If you’re the captain you need to stand up for your teammates!

I do have one more suggestion before I end this.  Let’s have Suarez play some hockey with the 1974 Philadelphia Flyers.  They were a hockey team that was known for violent fights in just about every game they played.  Suarez can try to bite any one of them he likes, but he may not leave the ice rink with any teeth left.

A trip with Clowns!

World Landmarks I’d like to visit

Have you ever really wanted to go somewhere you haven’t been before?  Sometimes you want to go on an African safari.  Sometimes you wish you could see the Egyptian pyramids.  I’ve personally wanted to take a trip to San Francisco and tour Alcatraz prison.  I actually made that trip a while ago and it was everything I’d hoped!  *chuckle*

Now I’ve found a new place I’d like to see.  Something to put on my “bucket list”, so to speak.  And it’s not in some foreign country, or one of the “Seven Wonders of the World”.  It’s a motel.  A motel full of clowns.  Yes, I said full of clowns.  Do you know anyone who’s afraid of clowns?  I’m sure they wouldn’t much care for this place.  And it’s called appropriately enough, Clown Motel.

The Clown Motel is located in a place called Tonapah, Nevada.  It’s one of those places that’s way out in the desert and the next closest town is about 70 miles of desert away.  And not only does this place have thousands of clowns, it’s also right next to a turn of the century cemetery.  Is the Clown Motel haunted, you may ask?  Why, now that you mention it, I think hauntings have been mentioned once or twice.  But if they include clowns, they’re fun hauntings, right?  Fun hauntings including clowns and full-sized dinner hams?

“At one point early in the evening we were hearing strange sounds and what appeared to be someone screaming followed by lot popping and crunching noises. While in the bathroom my buddy decided to have a peak outside of the bathroom window. My buddy lets out a yell and busts out into the room and I'm like "what?!" He doesn't say anything but goes right to his back and gets his Smith and Wesson 357 out. I'm thinking "what the $%#" and I dig into my bag to get my Sig 232 out. He says we need to get the %@#& out of there right now. I saw he was serious and that made me serious about it, we grabbed our $#!^ for the most part (left a few clothes behind) and looked out the peep sight to make sure it was clear to our car. I threw my gun into my pocket, he put his in his waistband and we hauled ass to the car and got the hell out of there. On the ride away, I asked what he saw in the bathroom. He told me when he looked out the window there was this creepy-ass clown facing away from the window, pants at his ankles, making a weird motion. He told me the clown slowly turned 90 degrees to look at him, my friend said he looked down to see this clown $#@%ing a full-sized dinner ham, when he looked up from the ham $^@!ing the clown was smiling and waving at him.”

Wow, a full-sized dinner ham!  That’s…uh…well I guess it’s not as frightening as seeing a laughing clown with a bloody axe or something.  Just make sure all your dinner hams are secured and things should be ok, right?

Now I’m sure some people would be freaked out and feel like they’re being watched with all the clowns around the motel, but I don’t think it would bother me.  I think I’d even like to tour the cemetery and look around a bit.  What would be even more fun would to put on some evil clown makeup after checking in and then peek into the windows of other motel rooms.  That would be fun, wouldn’t it?  At least until I come across a room and find another clown peeking back out at me.  On second thought, maybe I won’t do that.

Anyway, that’s where I’d like to go.  On the plus side, beyond all the haunting rumors the hotel is supposed to be very friendly and well maintained!  So one of these days I do want to try and make it there for an overnight stay.

The World Cup

Welcome to the World Cup

The World Cup is the biggest sporting event in the world!  Unless you’re American, that is.  The sport of soccer isn’t really that big in America, and besides that when we want to have some kind of “world” thing like our “World Series”, we usually only want American teams to participate.  Some people think America is the center of the universe!

Stupid people aside, there are millions, possibly billions of people worldwide who care about the World Cup.  They are passionate and hang on every word the announcers say whether watching the matches on television, or listening to them on a radio.  A lot of people who aren’t American will tell you that soccer, English football, European football, or whatever you want to call it is a religion.  For some people, losing a war would be less important than losing the World Cup

The last World Cup was held in 2010.  England had a strong team and was going up against Germany.  I was working security at a Las Vegas casino on the day of that match and it was going to be shown on some large screens in the casino’s sports book.  There were a LOT of people from England in town and they began gathering pretty early in the morning to get good seats in the sports book to root on their national team.  There was a lot of excitement in the air!  Germany took off and scored the first goal of the match and then notched a second goal making it 2-0 in Germany’s favor.  But then England came back!  England scored making it 2-1 and then scored again making it even!  Or did they?

Though the ball went into the goal area and was clearly a goal, the keeper grabbed the ball and threw it back out onto the field and the match went on as if there was no goal.  The English side was horrified!  If football is a religion, then the match referee just stepped on the English God.

I’ve seen cheating in sports before and even a few times when I thought a player was trying to intentionally lose a game, but this was the World Cup.  How do you ignore a goal in a match this big?  Though I was in America when the goal was disallowed, I think I actually heard the majority of England scream.  One guy in the casino sports book stood up from his seat and began yelling “This is an embarrassment!”  He was quite upset.  Germany did go on to win 4-1, but would things have turned out the same if England had been given that goal?  And what crosses my mind is if a referee was crooked enough to not allow a legal goal, how many other illegal things did he allow to go on during the match?  Things just didn’t seem fair.

Now the World Cup is organized by FIFA.  FIFA also controls quite a few football leagues.  So could FIFA have maybe had any part in what happened to England in 2010?  Let’s take a look at the FIFA track record.

Back in 2010 the World Cup, or the FIFA World Cup if you like, was held in South Africa.  FIFA decided that the South African court system wasn’t good enough and convinced South Africa to allow them to create the FIFA World Cup Courts.  So basically FIFA ran their own justice system in the country of South Africa.  And these courts even sent people to prison if they were convicted.  And if you went to the FIFA World Cup Courts, your trial wouldn’t take very long.  Two guys from Zimbabwe robbed a couple of journalists on a Wednesday, went to court on Thursday, and then began 15 year prison sentences on Friday.  NO ONE MESSES WITH FIFA!  To show I’m not kidding, here’s a link to an article:

FIFA World Cup Courts

The 2014 FIFA World Cup is being held in Brazil.  (I spell American.  In European, and according to FIFA, the country is spelled “Brasil”.)  Brasil had a few too many deaths involving drinking and so decided to pass a law that no alcohol would be allowed to be sold during football matches.  One of FIFA’s big sponsors is Budweiser who makes and sells alcoholic beverages.  So in order to make FIFA happy and to have the FIFA World Cup in Brasil, they will allow alcohol to be served at the World Cup matches no matter what their laws say.  Nothing can go wrong with that, right?  But who cares if things do go bad and people die?  It’s FIFA and the World Cup! 

Brasil also decided to spend 270 million dollars, or Euros, or whatever Brasilians spend on a new stadium for the World Cup.  It’s built in a place called Manaus along the Amazon river.  There is almost no access to this place from a normal roadway and really no football team that will play there after the World Cup.  After all the matches are over, the stadium may become a home for a nearby Amazonian tribe.  Either that, or they’ll just let the jungle over grow it like an old ruin.

One question I have is if it’s so hard to get to Manaus, how are fans going to arrive to watch a match?  Will everyone swim, or row, or somehow go up the Amazon river to get there?  I’m sure it’s hard to find tickets to a World Cup match to begin with, but once you get the tickets you now have to find Humphrey Bogart to take you up the Amazon River on the African Queen to get to the damned stadium!  Doesn’t anyone see anything wrong here?

There are rumors regarding bribery to FIFA officials.  Mostly because they decided that the 2022 FIFA World Cup would be held in Qatar.  Sadly, I don’t even know exactly where Qatar is.  The Qatar national football team has NEVER even qualified to enter any World Cup in history, but now they’ll get to host it in 2022?  Oh definitely click the link below if you’d like to read more about this!

FIFA Bribery Scandal

The President of FIFA Sepp Blatter claims the organization is “non profit” however FIFA has over a billion dollars in the bank.  That’s more money than quite a few countries have!  They had a shot of him on television when the English goal was disallowed against Germany back in 2010.  I think his expression looked something like this:

Blatter claims the Billion dollars in the bank is a “reserve”. A reserve for WHAT?  What is all this money for?  From what I’ve seen FIFA relies on countries to build their own stadiums, and fund everything for the World Cups themselves, so who gets all this money? Maybe they could use the money to promote women’s soccer?  When asked how women’s soccer could be made more popular, Sepp Blatter replied “They could wear shorter shorts.”  Wow. 

 I will admit that there is one very popular video on YouTube of Sepp Blatter.  The clip is only a few seconds long, but is very entertaining, especially if you don’t much care for the FIFA organization.  I think for this clip I’ll let “Keyboard Cat” handle things:

Ok, I’m sure I’ve ranted and raved enough about the FIFA organization enough.  To be truthful, to me they’re just a soccer video game name.  I’m actually looking forward to the World Cup matches this year since I’ll be able to watch them.  If it were up to me though, I would make one change.  If I could, I would bring a bunch of Oakland Raider fans to Brasil to root for the United States team.  The Oakland Raiders are an American football team and play American football, not soccer, and some of their fans are pretty insane.  Let’s take a look at regular American World Cup fans:

They may scream and yell and even blow into a vuvuzela once in a while, but they’re probably mildly distracting at best.  Now let’s take a look at some Oakland Raider fans:

You think English soccer hooligans can cause problems?  I think we need a stadium full of these guys for the United States matches!  *chuckle*  And since the stadium in Manaus is only going to be used for four matches, these guys can tear the place apart and no one will care!  It’s win win!  We’ll just dress the United States team all in black, write “Raiders” across their kits and let the fun times roll!  *chuckle*

All foolishness aside, I really am looking forward to the World Cup this week.  And if football really is a religion, then count me in.  I’ll be right along side the millions of fans worshiping this weekend.

GO UNITED STATES!

Drug Testing Students

Finding the Drugs

I was talking to my niece yesterday about her high school experience.  She’s just finished up her associate’s degree and was accepted to the University of Nevada at Las Vegas (UNLV).  She mentioned she was a bit upset about the drug testing that was going on back at her high school in Oklahoma.  I guess it wasn’t what she considered “fair”. 

Now I’m not in favor of drugs and think drug testing is a good idea.  But I guess this school in Oklahoma wasn’t quite doing it right.  My niece said no one on the football team was tested.  Actually, that’s not true.  One kid’s mother was doing her own home drug testing and her son was showing positive for drugs there.  She contacted the school and wanted him tossed off the football team, but the school refused.  They also refused to do any drug tests on him themselves because if he came up positive, he wouldn’t be able to play football.

Football aside, if a student wanted to participate in any other extracurricular activity they had to be drug tested.  If you failed, you weren’t allowed to participate in the activity anymore.  The chess club was totally decimated mostly because there was only one kid in the school who had joined the chess club, and he failed his random test.  Consequently he was told he could no longer play chess.

Some members of the school band failed their drug test and were told they could no longer play instruments.  So the band then no longer had a percussion or woodwind section and only one trumpet player was left. Two cheerleaders were no longer allowed to participate and several members of the “flag team” were told they could no longer carry or wave flags.

One kid who liked to sit in the library when not in class failed the drug test and was told he could no longer sit in the library.  How dare he read books after not passing a drug test!

Now if a student was selected for drug testing they had approximately half an hour to fill a bottle with urine.  If you couldn’t fill the bottle in the allotted time, you failed the test.  So if you used the bathroom before getting to school you’d still better produce some piss in half an hour, or else!  The testing company didn’t have much time!  Perhaps the testing employees should have been tested a bit themselves?  So in a way, the drug testing wasn’t about whether or not a student was actually testing positive for any kind of drugs, it was more about being able to piss on demand.  And the kids who couldn’t do that were told they could no longer participate in things.  What a great life lesson, huh?

In case you’re curious, my niece was not selected for testing probably because she didn’t participate in any extracurricular activities.  She spent most of her time studying.  If she had been selected and failed the test perhaps the school would have told her she could no longer study?  Either learn to piss on command or we’ll take away all your books!

Now yes, I understand the importance of trying to keep drugs out of schools.  And I went through something a bit like this while in the U.S. Air force.  We would have random drug checks, but you would be put in a room and couldn’t leave until you filled the provided cup with urine, however we weren’t given a half hour time limit.  As long as you didn’t leave the room before filling the cup, you could wait a few hours if need be because you didn’t have to pee at the moment.  The military understood that some airmen go to the bathroom before going to their work place!

So is this school in Oklahoma really interested in stopping drug use?  Or are they more interested in making money for the drug testing company that will fail a student for not being able to pee on command?  It’s sad when a place gets this corrupt, especially a supposed “learning institution”. 

News isn't easy

News can be fun!

Most of us watch the news.  Local, national, we watch because the news people tell us what's going on in our towns, cities, and neighborhoods.  Sportscasters give us the latest scores and weathermen tell us how the weather is supposed to turn out.  But being a journalist isn't always as easy as it seems.  Now I'm not a professional journalist right now, I'm just some unemployed guy with a computer at the moment.  But just like every other job, journalists have bad days.  Many thanks to the YouTube channel NewsBeFunny for making me laugh and reminding me that television journalists may be local celebrities, but their jobs aren't always peaches and cream.  Take a look at a few things that have gone wrong:

There's the man in the black hoodie who spouts off the most profane thing he can think of.  *chuckle*  That's what you get when you do live interviews sometimes.  The blonde reporter who gets hit on by the guy with no shirt carrying a dog.  The nice reporter "Jeff" who ends up knee deep in some mud while someone back in the studio laughs away.  I wonder if he ever saw his shoes again?  Dave Marcheskie does his live report while a guy behind him chugs the water out of a vase.  Poor Dave, no one even bothers to tell him what's going on behind him.  

I love the shot of the guy behind a rugby interview who tries to catch a ball and then drops his kid.  There's really no need for me to go over everything that happens, watch the video for yourself.  It's hilarious!  And it shows that reporters are just regular people trying to do their jobs...and failing sometimes.  *chuckle*  Newer reporters always get sent out for the live shots.  A suave cameraman will catch things going on behind them and not give it away to the reporter sometimes.  It's hilarious and in a way, part of paying your dues as a reporter.

Holidays are special though, right?  Oh no they aren't!  Holidays can be just another excuse to harass a journalist while they're on the air.  Nothing is better than making a news anchor scream while they have a camera on them.  Take these Halloween clips for instance.  

Still want to be a reporter?  It does look like a bit of fun, doesn't it?  Try being a meteorologist.  But don't just be a weatherman or weather woman somewhere nice, go where there are storms.  Go where there are hurricanes like Sandy and report from there.  Your station will send you out to do live shots from the weather.  It's just a part of the job, right?  *chuckle*

And even while reporting from the middle of a storm people will still troll your live reports...

So here's to journalists and the jobs they do.  Thanks for all your patience.  *chuckle*

Welcome to Minnesota and Fun!

Welcome to Minnesota!

Years ago I lived in a small town in Minnesota called Buffalo.  I had moved there to get into a relationship with a girl.  While things with the girl didn’t work out, I really enjoyed Buffalo.  Now you have to understand a few things about Minnesota.  First off, it’s full of typical American small towns where just about everyone knows just about everyone else.  And they all know each other’s business.  Not that this is a bad thing, it made for a family type atmosphere in everything you did.

Now why am I writing about Minnesota?  Because of one of my favorite movies called Drop Dead Gorgeous.  Click the name and a link will take you to Amazon.com to buy the movie.  I’ll warn you up front this one must be rare as right now it’s priced at $42.94!  But honestly, it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen!  And it takes place in Minnesota.  It’s playing on the Starz movie channels now if you happen to pay for premium movie channels.  Click the word Starz and it will take you to the web page.

The movie takes place in the fictional town of Mount Rose, but I’ve had people tell me it was based on a place called Rosemount, Minnesota.  Click on the name for a quick view of small town affairs.  *chuckle*

Now a few things make this movie so hilarious.  The first is the Minnesota accent.  Not that it’s funny, but it’s really…unique. (Don’t cha know!)  And yes, people really talk that way.  They hit a lot of Minnesota life spot on!  These folks are down to earth, honest, and loveable.  Well, most of them are.  *chuckle*  There is the one rich, corrupt family in town who will do anything to make certain their daughter wins the local high school beauty pageant.  And I mean anything. 

This movie is basically a black comedy as a pretend documentary crew shoots footage and does interviews throughout the pageant.  It stars Kirsten Dunst, Denise Richards, Kirsty Alley, and Ellen Barkin.  I don’t want to give anything away, but while watching this, I’ll usually laugh myself to tears.  I’ll at least show you the movie trailer:

Don't miss this one! 

I love black comedy and have even written one.  It’s called Terminating Vegas and is about a security officer at a casino who wins the lottery and decides he then wants to be fired from his job.  The casino keeps trying not to fire him and things quickly spiral out of control.  If you’re interested in a Kindle copy, they’re pretty cheap right now at only $1.49  Just click the name above and check it out.  You can also get the book through Barnes & Noble, but they only sell the paperback version of the book.  Maybe someday this will be made into a movie, too?  Nah…probably not.  But then again, stranger things have happened.  *chuckle*  

Self Defense

What is self defense?  Here in Las Vegas it's an excuse to kill someone, cut them up, and then use some concrete to bury them in your yard.  Yes, we're having a murder trial here in town and the defense for this guy murdering a woman is "self defense".  Now before I go on and comment about this, let's take a look at an article telling a bit about what's going on:

http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2014/may/14/defendant-slaying-luxor-dancer-faces-key-trial-dec/

There you go.  Even a picture of the guy who's name is Jason Griffith while he's on the stand!  I had thought that you weren't allowed pictures or video when someone was on the stand in court, but I guess since this trial is such a circus, we have to let all the clowns into the center ring.  If you followed the link (or copied and pasted it…whatever.  *chuckle*) and read the news story, you see the defendant is claiming that this woman was "harassing" him.  He's so special that when he tried to break up with her, she went nuts and threatened to kill him.  Ah…yeah.  He claims she sent him "hundreds" of text messages and emails per day.  Hundreds, really?  If she was a dancer I can't imagine she got much rehearsing done if she was spending all day writing hundreds of emails and texts.  I email a lot, but I don't think I send ONE hundred emails a MONTH!  

So this Jason Griffith was being "harassed".  And since he felt "harassed" he feels that it was self defense and ok to strangle this lady and then hack her legs off and try to hide the body.  By the way, the guy who helped him hack the woman's legs off was given immunity from prosecution to testify.  So if you ever dismember someone here in Vegas, make sure you offer to testify against someone else for something, and then cutting up a dead person is ok.

Now this didn't even happen recently.  The woman was killed and hacked up back in 2010.  I don't even think Jason Griffith, her killer, has been in jail since the murder.  I guess saying it's self defense makes it ok to delay a trial for four years.  And since he was a dancer in a show at the Mirage hotel they probably wanted him to be able to keep dancing for a while.  It's a good thing no one hacked his legs off like he did to the dancer/girlfriend/supposed psycho.  

Do you like my picture of Norman Bates?  Norman was the star of the movie Psycho and killed a woman taking a shower.  I don't remember if he hacked her up afterwards, but he certainly hacked her up while she was showering!  He even had theme music during the shower scene!  But it was self defense!  She was "harassing" him while taking the shower!  There's no difference between him and the guy in Vegas who killed the dancer, is there?

Now as far as I know, it's not as easy as you might think to strangle someone.  And after actually killing another human being, how do you ask another guy to help you cut her up?

"Hey dude, I just killed this chick and want to bury her in the yard, but she won't fit in the tupperware I bought.  Can you help me hack her up?"

"Yeah, why not?  I have some free time, and if you get caught, I can just offer to testify against you and then not be prosecuted for doing that.  Hand me that hack saw over there."

The oddest things happen in Las Vegas sometimes.  I wonder how this trial will turn out?  Maybe if Jason Griffith is found guilty he can have his sentencing hearing delayed until 2018?

Rewarding Everyone

Today will be my last class of PC Repair, at least for this semester.  And I should be getting an A in the class.  I only took two classes this semester, but made certain that I got an A in each of them.  I studied and studied and read the expensive books I had to buy and earned my grades.  I’m not quite ready to get a degree yet, but once I am, I will have earned it!  But there are some idiots here in town who think you should still be part of a graduation even if you don’t earn it!

Apparently a lot of students here in Clark County (That’s the county where Las Vegas and Henderson are located in the state of Nevada) have been traditionally allowed to go through graduation and receive a “certificate of attendance” or something like that if they don’t pass some state proficiency test and qualify to graduate from high school. 

Now the graduation rate in Clark County is pretty low.  I guess Nevada ranks around #49 out of the 50 states in education.  Hard to believe that there is a state dumber than Nevada.  I can now understand why when I go to a McDonald’s the kid running the cash register screws up my order, or why the kid running the register at Walmart can’t figure out how to count change back to me if I pay in cash.

Now I’ve heard all the arguments about how some people aren’t good taking tests, and how it’s a lot of pressure to put on a kid, and how it’s not right to let some kid go to a graduation with his friends just because he or she didn’t pass some test.  But I’ve also been told that they start giving these proficiency tests in the sophomore year of high school and the kids have three years to pass them.  THREE YEARS!  If you fail the first time, they can put you in special classes to help you study to take the exam again.  There are tutors and you can easily find the things you need to study for these exams.  And the students are given chance after chance to re-take failed portions, but people don’t think their kids need to do that.

Why work hard for something when you can just get it for nothing?  So many parents are upset saying “My kid deserves this” and “My kid deserves that”.  Your kid deserves the chance to succeed, but if you don’t do the work, you don’t deserve the rewards!  What the hell happened?  When did we become a bunch of whiners who think you should get a reward just for participation?

So what do these kids tell an employer when they’re trying to get a job and they are asked if they’ve graduated from high school?  Do they proudly show their certificate of attendance and say they went to school once in a while?  “Yeah, I was there to see all my friends.  I may show up at work once in a while, but don’t expect much from me.”  Would you hire someone who said this?  I guess some places have.  You don’t want mom and dad suing your company for discrimination against your kid because he didn’t graduate!

The whole controversy now is that the school district will no longer allow these under achievers to attend the graduations and get their “certificate of attendance”.  I saw one woman ranting that her kid had a “3.4” grade point average, and should still be allowed to graduate even though she didn’t pass the proficiency tests.  That makes me wonder how she got such an average in the first place.  Did she cheat?  Or take classes like “How to unbutton a shirt”?  How does the girl have a high grade point average without being able to pass basic proficiency tests?  I know we want to protect our children, but come on!

I think the school district is doing the right thing.  Can you imagine after a few law suits colleges having to hand out certificates of attendance during actual college degree ceremonies?  Maybe we can have hospitals full of doctors who didn’t pass any exams, but were registered at a medical school and have an attendance certificate from there?  You can have a fire department full of fireman who may, or may not show up if your house is on fire.  They have a certificate of attendance and may, or may not feel like actually fighting fires. 

We already have shops full of cashiers who need a calculator because I’m trying to buy one watermelon that’s on sale 2 for $10 and the clerk can’t figure out how much to charge me for just one.  Must we keep dumbing down our society?  I’m glad I went back to college and am proud of the grades I will receive for this semester.  And I’m proud to have actually earned my grades.

Don’t bother trying to rant away at me about what your child deserves or doesn’t deserve.  I don’t care.  When I enlisted in the Air Force you had to be a high school graduate.  Not a high school “attendee”, but a GRADUATE!  I had to give an actual copy of my diploma to my recruiter.  I had to earn my way in.  And even if they allow kids to enlist without graduating, you’ll have to actually pass Air Force school courses to get a good military career assignment.  Also keep in mind the Air Force tests for you to get promoted past a certain rank.  No “certificate of attendance” for that! 

Ok, my rant about this is over.  I just thought I’d write a bit about what was going on here.  I’ll go back to reading the other news stories about drunk drivers, shootings, and stabbings now.  While I’m doing that, take a look at a clip from the movie Idiocracy.  This is where we’re headed.